Rambing #4

So, what’s been happening for the last 3 months?  As I’ve mentioned before, my parents are very likely to pass the century mark and increasing disabilities have pretty much required us to go from assisted living to memory care for them, and for the last several months we have talked with them about over a dozen different options for doing that along with visiting each facility (including seeing some multiple times because they couldn’t remember what they were like).  If you wind up in that situation, remember to take lots of videos and photos.  To make a very long story short, my mother found only one of them acceptable, and we had to make arrangements for when an opening would occur, followed by reminding them every time we visited about eventually moving.

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Rambling #3

I’ve been back to my beloved PC for about a week after being gone for nearly a month.  We’ve been visiting family in the East and taking historical tours.

After visiting everyone in east Tennessee, we continued to the Colonial Williamsburg area in eastern Virginia to see my youngest brother.  If you cross the Coleman Bridge between Yorktown and Gloucester County, he’s likely to be the one in the control booth above the bridge, so be sure to wave as you go by.

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Rambling #2

This nearly had the title “A Tale of Two Languages“. A couple weeks ago I was watching a rerun on the Smithsonian channel about the Pirahã of Brazil and Daniel Everett. It immediately reminded me of the cultures of El Beni in Bolivia, and particularly, the Sirionó. The similarities and differences are striking.

There’s something you may not know about me. At one time I worked with the Summer Institute of Linguistics (now known as SIL International) and its sister organization, the Wycliffe Bible Translators (now called the Wycliffe Global Alliance), both founded by William Townsend. For those unfamiliar with Bible history, Wycliffe was the first to translate the Bible (Vulgate version) into Middle English in 1382, and he was a constant thorn in the side of the Holy See. The purpose of the organizations is to study and document lesser-known languages and to translate the Bible (especially the New Testament and Gospels) into the local languages for the edification and enlightenment of the natives. Yes, I was one of them, but my excuse was to aid in studying and recording languages before they became extinct and because it was something I truly enjoyed.
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Rambling #1

 

I haven’t had much time to finish my monsterpiece on guns and legislation. Again, I’ve been out of town for about 2 weeks, and we had to hurry back when my father-in-law took a turn for the worse.

I’ve decided to start a new series on nothing in particular. In this case, it’s about kids and grandchildren. As everyone knows, theirs are better than anyone else’s. So it is with mine.

My youngest granddaughter turned five earlier this year, and she’s still not through with her never-ending surprises. She is an absolute joy to be around. Since about the time she was learning to talk, she knew the difference between normal conversation and a joke, and she’s been mastering the art of comedy ever since.

A couple of years ago, she started with one of her perfectly serious matter-of-fact conversations. “Mema, you and I have the same hair. And our eyes match. Your mouth and nose are the same as mine! Now I know what I’ll look like when I’m about to die.” She carried it off perfectly, and her timing was spot on.

One of her many talents is to improvise a dance to match any music she likes. In fact, her second birthday invitations were unusual in that they didn’t invite her friends to her birthday party. Instead, they said “Invitation to the Dance”… It only took a few songs before everyone was participating.

Last week she went to an Alison Krauss – Willie Nelson concert. During Nelson’s first number, she felt inspired and went to the area in front of the stage and began dancing to the music. Eventually, he noticed her and waved and was even gracious enough to share the spotlight. The highlight of the night was when he sang “Angel Flying too Close to the Ground”, which begins with the lines

If you had not have fallen
Then I would not have found you”.

She took the cues perfectly. Willie did something completely unexpected. He took off his bandana and threw it to her. It was a perfect ending to a perfect night.

I can think of no better way to end this than sending you an Invitation to the Dance.

 

 

What’s Coming

I had hoped that I’d be finished with my next posting by now. Since I’m not, I thought I’d give a quick preview. It’s about a very unwelcome topic: gun legislation – specifically legislation that I think would be effective while trying not to be overly intrusive, unlike some recent legislative attempts which are neither.

The article includes the pertinent resources and research that I did in coming up with the information I present. It compares firearm deaths world-wide, their causes, what is unique and what is comparable to the situation in the U.S., and over a year’s worth of data for every reported case on who was killed, where it happened, and further details, so that if you’re inclined to pick me apart, you too can go through the data.

I have condensed and summarized information from articles that I had promised and started over a year ago but never finished. The topics have been reorganized and structured in a way that I hope is more helpful than before.

Although many people are thoroughly uncomfortable even talking about guns, if you have kids or grandchildren, this is a topic you need to understand whether or not you have a gun yourself. The must-read portion will be under the heading “Proposed Gun Legislation”. Although you may miss why I recommend what I do, at least you’ll know what I am proposing.

The last part of the article is aimed at education about guns and ammunition that seem to be either unknown or confused by most media sources. If this is a non-issue for you, skip it.

The last point I’d like to make is that although I have little expertise with guns, I know what sounds questionable when I hear it, and I look it up – something that seems to be increasingly uncommon. I have accumulated a lot that way – enough to feel comfortable in writing my article.

 

More Excuses

Again, it’s been a while since my last post. In the past I’ve had problems, mainly with being out of town and trying to catch up with my correspondence. A couple times I had a computer crash.

We still leave town from time to time, but now it’s compounded by another problem. Our parents are rapidly approaching the century mark. Until last year when planting season was too wet, my wife’s father planted a backyard garden approaching half an acre. No one ever explained to him that it’s hard work. On top of that, he has at least one family party every week, and he does the cooking. It’s embarrassing to go, because not many people realize that I’m younger than he is. A few months ago he was diagnosed with lung cancer, but that hasn’t slowed him down.

In the next 3 years, my parents will hit their 75th anniversary. That used to be the diamond anniversary, but with inflation of anniversaries, I don’t know what it is any more. But there is a down side to it all. They’ve lost most of their short-term memory, and we get calls from them at all times of day and night asking about something that we’ve talked about many times before but they don’t remember. We spend a large part of our week visiting with them because something is always going on. Sometimes we take turns. Often we need to go shopping – one of my least favorite things. When we can, we take a short vacation break, but it never lasts long enough. Several times we’ve had to cut a short vacation even shorter because of some emergency.

Just a few months ago, we went on a vacation with my parents to the Smoky Mountains, and all of my brothers met us there. It may be the last for my dad, since he has had an increasingly difficult time getting around. One of our favorite past-times is hiking the trails. We picked a couple particularly easy ones. There are two very close to the Sugarlands Visitor Center. Just behind the center, is a short trail leading to a pretty little fall, and a slightly more strenuous trail that passes one of the original homes in the foothills. We passed on those for a paved absolutely flat half-mile trail a couple miles from there that goes through a settlement that still existed when the park was built. The homes were near the fork of two mountain streams and you can easily make out where two of the homes and a stone wall were. Dad got out, took a few steps to read a sign, then got back in the car where he remained for the rest of the outing. It started snowing about then.

We drove to the NC side and visited nearby falls on the Cherokee reservation, then went on to Bryson City to see Junie Whank, Indian Creek, and Toms [sic] Branch falls. By the time we finished, the roads in the park were closed and we had to take the long route home over steep mountain roads. We had to cancel our plans to visit Cataloochee since Dad wouldn’t be able to visit the settlement homes. We also weren’t sure whether the elk had come down from the hills.

Since then he has gotten progressively worse and insists on using a wheelchair. Mom still gets around well, although she doesn’t like hiking. She has expressed an interest in going on vacation with us when we get a chance. I’m hoping that our plans don’t get cut short again.

On top of everything else, some of our friends are dying of cancer. My wife babysits half a week at a time for our youngest granddaughter since her other grandmother is on a downward spiral with esophageal cancer. The same is happening in our extended family, so we have a hard time taking a break.

I’m almost caught up on my e-mail and the blogs that I read, so I may be able to post another entry soon. Until then…

Strange New Reptilian Fossil

This fossil started making the news in February and is from the Anisian age of the Middle Triassic period about 247 to 242 million years ago. It was found in Luoping County in Yunnan province, China in a well-known marine fossil area. Yunnan is an extremely mountainous province in southern China bordering Burma (Myanmar), Laos, Vietnam, and Tibet, and Luoping is a center-eastern county in the least mountainous region of the province.

It is the Atopodentatus unicus (approximately meaning “unique disturbingly weird-toothed”) and is classified as a sauropterygian (best-known for its plesiosaurs and nothosaurs). Atopodentatus had semi-aquatic adaptations but retained strong hips and legs. What sets it apart from all other reptiles is its beautiful smile.

Atopodentatus 1 

Atopodentatus 2

Atopodentatus 3

Illustration 1 is from the National Geographic by Julius Csotonyi.

Illustration 2 is by Nobu Tamura, 2014.

Illustration 3 is by MALvit, 2014.

In spite of having needle-like teeth, Atopodentatus was incapable of biting hard or holding small prey, and is suspected to have been a filter feeder. The teeth in the center of the upper mandible have been described as “comb-like” or “zipper-like”, and the mouth has been compared to that of a flamingo.

There are several interesting articles with the more technical ones at the bottom:

Atopodentatus Will Blow Your Mind

Atopodentatus unicus: Bizarre New Fossil Reptile Discovered in China

The nesting of Atopodentatus unicus

I’m Not Sure That Name Is Appropriate

Magnetic Monopoles Emulated

Yesterday there was a news item about the creation of a magnetic monopole. Although the news accounts are far above average for the usual explanations of a scientific breakthrough, most still leave a lot to be desired. For instance not all of them distinguish between the elementary particle and the quasiparticle that was what was created here. The best new account that I could find was written by a reporter for nature magazine at Quantum cloud simulates magnetic monopole, which sums up the work remarkably well. If you would like a slightly more in-depth account, keep reading.

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It Makes Me Proud to be an Atheist

Ken Ham, founder of Answers in Genesis and the Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY, has announced that his latest venture, Ark Encounter, is facing dire financial difficulties. With quick visit to the Creation Museum website, the first words you run into are “Prepare to Believe”. If you don’t mind swallowing a little bullshit, you too can believe.

The Ark Encounter was to be a replica of Noah’s ark, complete with dinosaurs, unicorns, and fire-breathing dragons, just as the Bible tells us. Actually, I had missed those 3 kinds of animals in Genesis, but that’s what makes Ken the expert on Genesis and the genius that he is.

Between now and Feb. 6, Ken has to sell $29,000,000 in unrated junk bonds, so if you have some spare change, won’t you send him a few million dollars? The state of Kentucky was so enthusiastic about this great idea, that during the recession, they plunked down several million dollars of the taxpayer’s own money for infrastructure and tax breaks.

Ken blames this mess on atheists (way to go, atheists) and the secular media. Specifically, “the trouble with Ark Encounter’s financing is due to the treachery of atheists and godless bloggers, who have sabotaged the giant dinosaur boat…”. Thanks for finally acknowledging me, Ken. But he goes further. He has been wrestling “against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” I do admit to being a ruler of the darkness of this age, but thanks for thinking that I am a spiritual host of wickedness and that I rule from heavenly places. I’ve tried to project that image for a long time now.

To read more, check out Ark Encounter Close to Failure.

The Worst Nightmare Ever

A few months ago, I wrote about the atheist’s nightmare, dreamed up by Ray Comfort of the Living Water Ministries. Realizing that threatening us with hell is futile since that’s just about as real as God, the even worse threat of going to heaven doesn’t hold water either. So he knew the only way to get us was to make us think of bananas. His twisted mind knew that we could never shake the image of a banana haunting our dreams.

Oh, there are things that frighten Christians (especially those in Oklahoma), like Allah or maybe Shiva. Even something as cuddly as Ganesha seems to upset them. Atheists have tried to make them tremble at the sight of Cthulhu or the Flying Spaghetti Monster with all His noodly appendages, but Christians just don’t realize the dire threats being posed.

Cthulhu

Touched by His Noodly Appendage

Let’s face it. Atheists have been going the wrong direction. To get to a Christian, you have to show him God in all His magnificence. Only their God can give them nightmares as bad as thinking about a banana.

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The Queen’s Mercy Pardon

You may already be aware Queen Elizabeth out of the goodness of her heart issued a “mercy pardon” for Alan Turing almost 60 years after he committed suicide when the British courts had him neutered for the heinous crime of being a grossly indecent homosexual. (Isn’t homosexuality always grossly indecent in Britain?) At least she didn’t wait as long as the Vatican did to pardon Galileo for the crime of being right while the pope thought he was being ridiculed. Had she issued the pardon within two years after ascending the throne the suicide could have been prevented, but gays didn’t need mercy in those good old days.

To put this into perspective, Turing led a pretty useless life. He not only broke Germany’s enigma code, shortening WW II considerably, he helped design the machines that automated the code-breaking process when no key was available. He was a mathematician, logician, and is best known for modeling a general-purpose computer which still bears his name. He formalized the concepts of algorithms, computability, Turing reduction, Turing completeness, and Turing degree as well as being the father of computer science and artificial intelligence. He worked in two different laboratories developing early variations on the first stored-program computers. He wrote a paper on what later became known as the Belousov–Zhabotinsky reactions, which were only discovered 8 years after his death.

There is little question that he lived a wasted life, and the queen, her empire, and the world could just as well done without him. Now the U.S. can start working on pardons for the Salem witches. If we get through that in the next century, we can retroactively save their lives. I can only thank God that the queen found the mercy in her heart, but only after the House of Lords had already passed a bill for statutory pardon on Oct. 30 of this year.

Greatest Invention of the 20th Century

Sorry about taking so long in getting back. I’ve been away from my PC more than I’ve been on it for the last few months, but I can’t let this inspiration slip away. Certainly the greatest discovery of the 20th century was the observation by Prosper-René Blondlot of N-rays in 1903. It’s somewhat like seeing or hearing God for your first time and the only people who believe you are other Christians. That was the fate of Blondlot – only other French physicists and spiritualists were able to detect N-rays, while physicits of other nationalities were either envious or had insufficient IQs and claimed to be unable to see the obvious.

Until very recently, I was convinced that the greatest invention of the 20th century (even greater than Kirlian photography in 1939) was the revelation in 1911 of Kilner Goggles. Since I am in agreement with such great minds as Paul Harvey (who listed Kilner Goggles as one of the 10 greatest inventions of the 20th century, along with television and penicilin), I was sure that I couldn’t be wrong on this one. The lenses in the goggles were Kilner Screens which allowed direct viewing of the human aura from which one can diagnose diseases without any other confusing tests being necessary. The Nobel prize committee must have been napping when he made this startling announcement.

Last month I was alerted by PZ Myers (Don’t waste your time with this survey) that the MRA (Men’s Rights Activists) have determined that there is only one objective measure for determining a woman’s worth. I would have guessed the acronym would be OOOM for only-one-objective-measure, but no, they had to confuse things. They call it SMV for Sexual Market Value, which immediately alerts you that it must be objective as well as measuring the only meaningful way of evaluating a woman’s worth. Those MRA folks sure are clever. Because we know that love should have nothing to do with sex, this method of calculating Sexual Market Value is how to find who you should impress when you exude your sexual charms.

For some reason PZ Myers doesn’t understand what a boon this is for manly men, and he dares criticize it repeatedly through several posts for being unscientific. I was devastated until I found what I now deem to be the greatest invention of the 20th century. It was created by none other than Max Factor, Sr., probably the world’s most renowned cosmetologist – probably better than Mary Kay (he’s male, after all). His invention was the Beauty Calibrator from 1934, and it has restored my faith in the scientific value of the SMV and the MRA movement. It’s something that every man should have and take with him when he goes bar-hopping. Every woman will want to try it on for the sake of science. If you want one (and there is only one), the last time it went on auction in 2009, it didn’t even make it to the $10,000 mark, so you may be in luck if you want to buy it.

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 I hope my readers agree with me about the value of this invention.

Ray Comfort Admits God is Evolution

Of course this is as much a lie as Ray Comfort’s lies, omissions, distortions, and incomplete excerpted interviews in his latest movie Evolution vs. God: Shaking the Foundations of Faith, which garnered a 2.5 rating out of 10 in the International Movie Database (IMDB), placing among the worst movies of all time.

In case you missed it in your home schooling, Ray Comfort is a fundamentalist evangelist who founded The Way of the Master ministry along with child actor Kirk Cameron and radio host Todd Friel. He also started Living Waters Publications, should you need to come to Christ and learn the Truth about evolution.

With all this claim to fame, you’d think that Comfort might be satisfied, but he has done something really frightening. He showed us the atheist’s nightmare: a banana. It’s left me sleepless at nights and makes me panic every time I think about it.

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God, Sitzpinkel, and the U.N.

I had written nearly a complete post on this subject when my computer crashed last fall, and I lost the work on all my posts in progress. There is little doubt that God was chastising me for being an atheist, and He fully expected His flock to fill the void. It didn’t come to pass, so here I go again on this important subject.

There is no doubt of God’s opinion about sitzpinkel – He despises it. Most Bible apologists simply don’t understand how God could have overlooked this offense to His holy creation in His 613 Laws, but the explanation is really pretty easy. He obviously originally had 614 Laws, and Moses just couldn’t understand what such a strange law was doing in the collection because in Biblical times, no one violated it, so he neglected to include it with the other 613. (On the other hand, the tenth commandment [Exodus 34:26Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother’s milk.] was necessary, because so many Biblical Jews were eating cheeseburgers. For those not familiar with God’s wishes, read Meat and Milk and Cheese and Whey.)

I can hear you now protesting that you don’t know what sitzpinkel is, when in fact, you know damned well but you won’t admit it even in your darkest nightmares. For those who are hopelessly clueless, watch the following exhortation.

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Raven about NSA and Privacy

I stole this from Digital Cuttlefish since he says it so much better than I could.

 Once upon a conversation, I received a revelation—
Just a tiny aberration in the phone line could be heard
It was near too faint for hearing, all too quickly disappearing,
And it surely had me fearing they had listened to my word
But of course, there is no reason to be snooping for my word
Such a notion is absurd!

With the conversation ending, and my paranoia pending—
Was some listening ear attending? Had a wiretap occurred?
My suspicions were implying what I’d rather be denying;
That the government was spying, and the lines had all been blurred
There had formerly been limits, but those lines have all been blurred—
Ah, but surely that’s absurd!

Could my phone call now be quoted? My associations noted?
Are there data banks devoted, at the mercy of some nerd?
All the data they can hack up, with more copies just for backup
In some cave where servers stack up with the info there interred?
They will long outlast my body, which will rot when I’m interred
This is far beyond absurd!

In a time that seems chaotic, is my worrying neurotic?
Maybe spying’s patriotic—it’s what 9/11 spurred.
Sure, the citizens are frightened, but security is heightened
With the leaky borders tightened and some terrorists deterred
Why, the means are surely justified if terror is deterred
Or they’re not… cos it’s absurd.

Allie Brosch is Back!!!

I last wrote about Allie nearly a year ago in Where Are They Now. She had stopped writing completely after her post from October 2011, Adventures in Depression, and I think we all had little hope of seeing her brand of humor again. I’m really late in welcoming her back, but she has given us a brilliant update that I hope everyone who reads this post will visit – Depression Part Two. As you can see, her comments started almost immediately and were cut off when they reached 5000. I’m not the only one overjoyed to see her back.  It has been a long battle for her, and I don’t know when we’ll hear from her again, but at least we have this.

 

Songs for Memorial Day

In the glory of war, we sometimes forget the price. I want to thank to thank Daz for his remarks on one of these songs.

Progress in Oxford, Alabama

Maybe this isn’t quite as spectacular an example of progress as my article 2 posts ago, but Sam’s Club and Oxford Mayor Leon Smith have determined after exhaustive business research that a 1500 year old Indigenous American ceremonial mound is a ‘natural’ formation because it isn’t on the National Register of Historic Places, which they researched so well, they called it the “Natural Register”. It was the largest stone mound of its kind in Alabama. Smith knows for fact that it was only used for smoke signals (he is, after all, at least as accurate a historian as David Barton), and that the United South and Eastern Tribes are just blowing smoke signals up his ass to claim otherwise. Really, who’s the business expert here?

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Instant Philosophy Degree

Daniel Digby:

I stole this from Archon’s Den. I have such an insufferably high opinion of my own writing (plus parking my head up my ass) that I can’t admit when I’ve been outdone. Enjoy.

Originally posted on Archon's Den:

The following is the general examination for a Doctor of Philosophy degree:

History

Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact from Europe, Asia, Africa and the Americas.  Be brief, concise and specific.

Public Speaking

Some 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom.  Calm them.  You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.  Your performance will be video-recorded.

Biology

Create life.  Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this life had developed 500 million years earlier, giving special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.  Prove your thesis.

Music

Write a piano concerto.  Orchestrate and perform it with flute and violin.  You will find a piano under your seat.  In the interests of time, you may omit the coda.

Psychology

Based on your knowledge of…

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That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind

I almost called this A Tale of Two Stories as there are two stories to celebrate. The first ended in 2001 with victory for Allah and his prophet, Muhammad (PBUH), while the second ended just this month with a complete victory for Capitalism, Objectivism, Ayn Rand, and probably Jesus Christ. I hope you’re as excited and as much a sucker for happy endings as I am.

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Gun Legislation – Part 1

I started this over a month ago for people who may not have given much thought to gun legislation. I expect it to be a 4-part series to give you a little more insight into the matter than most of the politicians who are cobbling together laws to protect us from guns (and those who would oppose any change). You don’t have to own a gun to be informed about guns. After listening to legislators and journalists, many of whom claim to own or use a gun, I’m really appalled. Especially cringe-worthy is the expert on gun violence who put together the new proposed gun legislation (which is essentially a rehash of the old Brady bill).

Warning: this article is rather long and is about controlling gun violence as opposed to controlling gun access – a difference that our lawmakers don’t seem to appreciate. (Gun access is a separate issue and requires more competence on the part of policy makers than violence prevention.) I hope it is useful if you’re interested in gun violence.

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Thank You God – Tim Minchin

Tim came out with a new song today. In it, he recognizes his mistaken lack of belief in a God when a fan describes for him a genuine miracle. Tim immediately had to swallow his pride, and he rejoiced in the Truth by writing a hymn of contagious joy praising God. Now I, too, have realized the error of my ways and I feel compelled to share Tim’s witnessing with you. Consider this my testimonial too.

Percy Bysshe Shelley Rememberence

March 25 marks the two hundred second anniversary of the University of Oxford sending down, or according to one source, merely rusticating (translation: expelling, or merely suspending) Percy Bysshe Shelley and Thomas Jefferson Hogg for sending a tract to the heads of all colleges at Oxford entitled The Necessity of Atheism. They were shocked and appalled (as am I).

You can read the whole thing (1813 revision) at The Necessity of Atheism.

This post is for his cojones in publishing the tract and not because I enjoyed his poetry (a bit gushy for my tastes, in spite of his ability to turn a phrase) or the contents of the tract. As with all generalizations, there are exceptions, and Ozymandias is one of those.

Shelley turned the idea of atheism on its head. He rejected deism (the idea of a creator god with no other attributes) which is opposite of many who reject a meddling god or a god of supplication but can’t imagine creation without a god. On the other hand, he saw some outside influence that co-exists with the universe. He stated it this way: “There Is No God. This negation must be understood solely to affect a creative Deity. The hypothesis of a pervading Spirit co-eternal with the universe remains unshaken.”

This “Spirit” is often interpreted by modern authors as Shelley’s vision of the kind of pantheism espoused by Benedict Spinoza. One of several points of contentions I have is Shelley’s opinion that beliefs are involuntary. At least he used this idea to good effect, arguing that atheism shouldn’t be persecuted (something that the University of Oxford college heads disagreed with him about). Shelley continued to espouse unpopular ideas for the remainder of his life – he just never learned, and that’s what an Oxford education is all about.

My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Secret Feminazi Shrink Ray

I found out something recently that I’ve long suspected – feminazis have been focusing their shrink ray on Rush Limbaugh’s penis for the last 50 years. Being the virile guy he is, they’ve only managed to reduce it 10%. It took scientists in Italy to discover it, and they tried to divert attention from the feminazis, but Rush has set them straight. Watch the enclosed video where Rush corrects them.

The Cause of Limbaugh’s Penis Shrinkage

There is some question whether sluts are in on this conspiracy since Limbaugh revealed that people who use birth control pills are sluts. As he explained it, after every time they have sex, they pop another birth control pill, and since law students have sex so frequently, the cost of birth control pills wrecks their budgets. (By the way, Limbaugh sincerely apologized for calling Sandra Fluke a slut and immediately explained again why she was a slut.)

Rush Limbaugh and Sluts

And why should we be so wary of women who use birth control pills? They kill babies and cause them to become embedded in their wombs. Hundreds and thousands of tiny dead babies get embedded in the wombs of birth control users! I’m not sure that conception is even necessary, since it is a known fact that birth control pills turn eggs into tiny babies before killing them.

Embedding Tiny Dead Babies in your Womb

I hope that you feel much more informed now. This message has been brought to you by the Republican party. Remember to vote Republican.

About Eating Babies

Great news! I just found out that atheists are no longer required to eat babies. American Atheists’ David Silverman didn’t explain whether it’s now just optional or whether it’s completely banned, but here’s David Silverman’s interview with Lucifer (a.k.a. Lucy) and Mr. Deity.

The Importance of Home Schooling

I have put off warning my readers for too long about government schools that are teaching our impressionable children socialism and communism. I know this for fact because I faithfully watch Fox News and listen to Fox Radio. We must put a stop to this left-leaning government agenda.

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Existence of Angels Can No Longer be Denied

Mark Kirk, a Republican U.S. Senator from Illinois suffered a stroke that paralyzed the extremities on his left side about a year ago. It was part of God’s plan to educate America about the facts of near-death experiences.

First, there is no white light and no tunnel, so if you decide to fake your own near-death recollections, remember to leave this out. (You can, however claim that you sat in Jesus’s lap, since this has been well-verified, Heaven is for Real, by Baptist minister Todd Burpo about his son, Colton.)

Since the veracity of U.S. Senators and Congressmen is beyond question, what Kirk said next is of utmost importance.

What Illinois’ junior U.S. senator experienced was three angels standing at the foot of his bed.

“You want to come with us?” Kirk was asked.

“No,” he told them. “I’ll hold off.”

As often happens, he may have been misquoted, and his last sentence should have been “No, fuck off.”, but here’s the article, and you’ll have to decide for yourself: Mark Kirk Sees Angels.

Rambling on my Way Out

My return has taken much longer than I expected since I announced my sabbatical. Since then, one of my processors crashed, and I lost all of my blog backups and a whole series of drafts. It was a major loss, since I had been working on some posts that took several months to put together. One was an atheist hymnal that included well over 100 entries – everything from old favorites like Plastic Jesus to hard rock anthems. A couple were close to being ready to publish, including Sitzpinkel and God’s opinion, little-known facts about the Hamilton-Burr duel, and a piece about “clean” coal and “safe” nuclear power.

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Extended Sabbatical

Just a quick note. I’ll be away from my PC for at least a month, but I’ll try to keep up with what’s going on. I was going to make this a little more interesting, but I haven’t even had time for that. Hope to see you when I get back.

Christ has Died – Long Live God!

As many of you have probably already heard, Christ the Messiah died yesterday, leaving the Bride, the True Mother, to run His earthly church. As God told us, He would be reborn of man in the East, and the world knew Him as Sun Myung Moon. Praise be to the True Father. He will be sorely missed by his followers in the Unification Church – the Moonies. Let us pray. Our heads are bowed; our eyes are closed. No, no, I’m thinking of the Jimmy Swaggart prayer. Lift up your eyes (but only after making a joyful noise) unto the Lord, all ye lands…

Now to get on with remembering the dearly departed. He will be best remembered for creating the only sinless families since the Great Fall, when all of creation was plunged into sin by Adam’s helpmate. For all have sinned? Not any more, since the Second Coming of Christ eradicated it permanently from the families of His followers, recreating them perfect in His image and making them as gods. Hallelujah!

We must also remember Him not only for His great prophesies in the Divine Principles, but we must celebrate His great achievements in those prophesies. He resolved all tension between religion and science, making them completely compatible. This no easy undertaking, and many of the Unwashed are still unaware of this monumental breakthrough – Ken Ham and PZ Myers, for instance. Some have tried to dismiss or belittle this magnificent result by claiming that Maharishi Mahesh Yogi did it first, but history will clarify any confusion over this matter and the True Master.

He has also solved all economic woes that used to beset unwary nations, and now all nations prosper in His light. All racial and political tensions have been placated and exist no more, as evidenced in the United States by the merging of Republicans and Democrats into a single happy, harmonious party – one that will continue at the taxpayers’ expense and the public isn’t invited. Gay has been prayed away, and the transgender people have been cured of their affliction. Praise be to God. Sexual harassment has evaporated completely and at last we understand the wisdom of one man/one woman, except for Newt Gingrich, who thinks one man/many women is okay if you do it serially or don’t let your current wife know what you’ve got on the side. Universal education and its environment have also been perfected, thanks in no small part to our Messiah.

His crowning glory is His overcoming all God-denying ideologies such as Communism. With North and South Korea making love overtures, they will soon merge with Kim Jong-un as supreme president-for-life to be followed by his dynasty and a population living in ecstasy ever after. (I left out the Once-upon-a-time, but you can fill in what I glossed over.)

He has, indeed united us all, and we are the children of our True Parents, and I suspect that when the Bride joins the True Father, that the True Children will take control of the Church to rule over a sinless world. Allahu Akbar.  Amen.

A Wimpy God

God is omnipresent except in schools. That’s because the Supreme Court required all schools to be lined with lead so God couldn’t peek in.  If your God is so easily defeated by a body like the Supreme Court, it’s time to start looking for another more dependable God.

It’s similar to God’s omnipotence; He can’t defeat iron chariots (Judges 4:13-16).  Now we know two of God’s weaknesses (other that His logic and His righteousness and justice).

Before you accuse me of blasphemy, the blasphemy is right there on the T-shirt.

Where are They Now?

There are several bloggers and YouTube producers who have made a big impact on me. Several just disappeared suddenly after building a large audience, and I’m curious if anyone knows what happened. The first was Stephanie, better known as LovingDoubt. She made YouTube videos that could suck the viewers in and make them want to know more about how she first became a Pentecostal fundamentalist and then turned to the dark side and was seduced by powers of atheism. (I’m not portraying what she said properly, so don’t let your opinions be influenced by me.) Like most others who achieved success in the on-line world, she understood the magic of how to tell a story, and she had an incredible sense of humor.

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Rare One-Eyed Snake with No Eyes

I couldn’t resist passing this on to my readers. The articles actually says it resembles a blind penis snake, which most of the rest of the world would call a caecilian. The article eventually gets around to telling you that, but it has some fun first.  It was actually planted here by the aliens from the movie Prometheus.

Brazilian Caecilian

And now if you’re curious, the article is at Rare snake-like amphibian resembling penis found in Brazil.

President Obama Will Cancel the 2012 Presidential Elections!

Living in Tennessee, we have a long way to go to catch up with Mississippi, Alabama, South Carolina, Kentucky, Oklahoma, and Texas, but we’re making giant strides. In breaking news, a Tennessee congressman has spilled the beans about Obama’s conspiracy to disrupt our presidential elections this November. It’s veracity is beyond reproach because it comes from a Tennessee elected official – maybe not Low Tax Looper (yes that’s his real name), but from Kelly Keisling, the birdbrain from Byrdstown.

We have it on the best authority that Obama will fake his own assassination, which will be blamed on white supremacists to enrage the black and Hispanic communities into rioting. We know this to be true, not only because of Keisling’s innate integrity, but also because it has been cross-checked with the ever-unimpeachable Anonymous Source, who is the most reliable informant who “is in the upper echelon of the Department of Homeland Security”, which is “effectively under the control of Barack Hussein Obama.”

I know that you must be at least as surprised as I am, and probably even more so to think that you heard it first from Tennessee. It instills a certain sense of pride in me. Oh yes; my source: Obama Assassination Attempt Conpiracy.

Marriage: Union of One White Man and One White Woman

Fortunately, at least one Mississippi church is enforcing DOMA:  Mississippi Church Refuses to Marry Wrong Kind of Couple. We shouldn’t allow marriages of people who are the wrong kind. It’s a good thing that the pastor found out that two of his parishioners were of the ‘wrong sort’ before he went through with the wedding. Now the Liberal Press is getting all bent out of shape because the church is finally enforcing policies that were taken for granted when I was a kid. Here’s what they are saying.

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Faeries Are Real!

Most of my readers probably already know about the Cottingley Faeries photographed by two young English girls in 1917. Five famous photographs proved the existence of faeries. Arthur Conan Doyle was convinced they were real (as were séances), because they were scientific evidence of psychic phenomena, and besides the girls were too young to have been able to draw that well. When it was pointed out to Doyle that one photograph showed the obvious head of a straight pin holding one of the faerie cut-outs in place, Doyle realized immediately that it verified the authenticity of the photos because, as he pointed out, it was actually the faerie’s navel.

 

No doubt, illustrations like that can’t be faked. However, there was an article in the 2007 New York Times that I missed until recently about the discovery of mummified faeries.

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Meat Glue

I apologize for not posting this a month ago when I sent a letter to my friends describing it.

As you probably gathered from the video, meat glue is either extracted from animal blood (part of the clotting factor) or from fermentation of Streptoverticillium mobaraense bacteria. Its possibilities were first realized by British chef Heston Blumenthal, the “molecular chef”, and the rest is history. Now, when someone tells you about some exotic meat that “tastes like a combination of chicken, pork, and beef”, you’ll be able to serve them a real chicken, pork, and beef meat dish — at least something other than a hot dog, which really is chicken, pork, and beef byproducts. The irony of the whole thing is that chef Blumenthal can no longer use his marvelous discovery since it’s illegal were he lives, but it’s now as commonplace in the American meat industry as pink slime used to be. The next time you get a premium cut of meat that’s full of fat and gristle, consider what you’re eating.

Bon appétit.

When You Can’t Find a Unicorn

As everyone knows, just as with God (Mark 16:18), unicorn horns will render poisons harmless. But what do you do if you can’t find a unicorn or God is busy? Grab an opossum (but watch out for the teeth). If you’ve ever met an opossum in the wild, you already know they can’t be killed without resorting to extraordinary means.

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God Particle Found to be Atheist

The media insistence on calling the Higgs boson the “God Particle” came from Leon Lederman’s book The God Particle: If the Universe Is the Answer, What Is the Question?, and it has been annoying physicists ever since. One of those ironies of history is the Lederman wanted to call it the Goddamn Particle, but his publisher refused to allow the name, and the rest is history.

With CERN’s announcement this morning of the official discovery of “a particle consistent with the Higgs boson” on two different detectors with a confidence level of 4.9 sigma on the CMS detector and 5.0 sigma on the ATLAS detector, they have definitely found something. It is CP neutral, colorless (in a QCD sense), chargeless, and probably spin 0 as required for a Higgs boson. However there may also be other bosons with these characteristics, hence the caution.

It should be interesting to see if any “news” programs mention it tonight. On the only show in which I have heard anything so far, it was called the Higgs “bosun” which I’ll gladly accept if there’s anything of substance in the report.

On another front, I found an interesting quote:

Higgs is an atheist, and is displeased that the Higgs particle is nicknamed the “God particle”, because the term “might offend people who are religious”.

It actually combines two quotes, the first, from an unnamed physicist, and the second from Leon Lederman. I’ve been waiting for the “God Particle” to come out of the closet. It’s long overdue that the particle’s atheism should be announced. And now you know.

Koran Kountry

As you may remember, Kentucky’s Gov. Beshear’s donation of state money to Ken Ham’s Ark Encounter, which proposes to build a full-size replica of Noah’s Ark, complete with dinosaurs and unicorns as described in the bible. He has spent $7,000,000 on state-provided infrastructure for the ark, and will spend another $43.000.000 on rebates to Uncle Ken.

Hamza Tzortzis is one of my favorite people, whom I’ve mentioned elsewhere. He runs a university to teach students the Truth about science and how the Prophet has already provided them with most of what they need to know. He taught me all about embryology: embryology in the Qur’an. and he trained me in how to make my Da’wah presentation to atheists: how to make dawah to atheists.
However, he’s not the only Hamza to peddle influence. Kenwal Hamza makes better business deals with Gov. Beshear than Ken Ham: sacred playgrounds.

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Creationist Mathematics

For those unfamiliar with his name, Hugh Ross is a creationist with a legitimate PhD in astronomy from the University of Toronto and an undergraduate degree in physics from the University of B.C. (take that, Canada; he’s not another crazy from the American bible belt). I thought it was about time to present his ruminations for my readers (both of you) to be educated in The Light of The Truth. He presents some mathematics that I have to admit I was completely ignorant of.

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What Would Make You Feel all Tingly Inside?

Is it the thought of someone trying in vain to pry the gun from your cold dead fingers? Would it be having “In God We Trust” on top of the slide just behind the front sight to guarantee you can’t miss? Would it be having a Mary Kay or Barbie pink pistol? How about a plastic gun where even the rod in the recoil spring assembly is plastic? …And the Bill of Rights carefully lettered on the sides of your gun with the words “freedom” and “liberty” engraved on the back of the gun just above the butt? Are you just about to have an orgasm? These no longer need to be just fantasies!

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Another Clever Christian Idea

And how do we prevent little Johnny from turning queer? We learn that from goodly pastor Sean Harris at Godly Pastor Harris. And here’s his video.

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And the saga continues…

An Old Photo Making the Rounds

This photo from 2010 is making the rounds again. No one seems to know the source. It’s from Copper Pointe Church in Albuquerque, NM: Copper Pointe Church. They sponsor a group called Wake, which has its own Facebook page (Wake: Facebook) and a blog (Wake: Blog). It has satellite branches in Los Alamos and Portales. They describe themselves this way: “Wake is a progressive Christian college group that redefines how church is done”. Indeed, they are. Many sites that carry the photo don’t have a clue about its source and speculate that it is Photoshopped. Now that I’ve set the record straight, here’s the photo.

How Marduk Inspired Area 51 and the Assassination of Princess Di

As you probably remember, Marduk divided the Anunnaki into the 300 who are in heaven and the 300 on earth. It is the Anunnaki who are responsible for everything weird that has occurred since then, and if we don’t act soon, they will destroy the earth on 12/21/2012. It is urgent that you understand the history of this shadowy group.

As you can see, the pope is in on this, so only atheists can be trusted with this information. We can’t let the Catholics know we’re onto them.

Exploding Ichthyosaurs

If you follow Yahoo’s coverage of scientific news as I do, you’ve probably read that ichthyosaurs don’t really explode when they die (Mother Ichthyosaur Didn’t Explode) — yawn. Yahoo often carries shocking news like this, and they never give a clue where they got their story, what species they’re talking about, or display a pictures related to the story. Well, I’ve fixed that. The species is Xenotherus Icthycanthus, and here is a video showing several views of that mother that didn’t explode.

What Do You Do with Priests Who Rape Kids?

That’s easy. You castrate the boys who complain about priests who indulge themselves. From testimony conveniently not included in the Deetman Report, the Roman Catholic Church chopped off more than just their balls. There are several articles in the news, but this one should suffice: Dutch Roman Catholic Church castrated at least 10 boys.

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This Sign Says it All

Here’s an appropriate sign that I stole from Pharyngula.

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Silence of the Gods

I used to wonder why, if there is a God, does He allow terrible things to happen and then brag that His People did it. Why would a loving God order genocide and murder of homosexuals, adulterers, and non-virgin girls? That very question is answered in this episode of Mr. Deity at about the 1:10 minute mark in the video. God’s preferred means of communication is silence, so that we are dependent on His prophets (like Moses, Joshua, Paul, and Joseph Smith) to know what He wants and expects of us. Many people already knew about God’s method of direct communication with us, but they didn’t realize the consequences. If I had only known this years ago, I could feel the comfort of being a faithful member of His flock and never having to think for myself. If you should ever feel the urge to question obvious contradictions or injustices, remember: Questions are bad, and God is watching you without letting you know that you are under His scrutiny. Don’t think wrong thoughts.
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Nature’s Horrible Perversion

I stole this book from the Unreasonable Faith blog. Although I’ve known about the quaint habits of whiptail lizards since high school, it didn’t occur to me that something needs to be done about it until I read this

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