Koran Kountry


As you may remember, Kentucky’s Gov. Beshear’s donation of state money to Ken Ham’s Ark Encounter, which proposes to build a full-size replica of Noah’s Ark, complete with dinosaurs and unicorns as described in the bible. He has spent $7,000,000 on state-provided infrastructure for the ark, and will spend another $43.000.000 on rebates to Uncle Ken.

Hamza Tzortzis is one of my favorite people, whom I’ve mentioned elsewhere. He runs a university to teach students the Truth about science and how the Prophet has already provided them with most of what they need to know. He taught me all about embryology: embryology in the Qur’an. and he trained me in how to make my Da’wah presentation to atheists: how to make dawah to atheists.
However, he’s not the only Hamza to peddle influence. Kenwal Hamza makes better business deals with Gov. Beshear than Ken Ham: sacred playgrounds.

MUHLENBERG COUNTY, KY — Gov. Steve Beshear attended the ribbon-cutting ceremony Monday for the opening of Koran Kountry, the radical Islamic theme park that could receive up to $75 million in tax incentives from the state.

The controversial park is the creation of Answers in Koran, LLC, who seek to bring visitors to the “family-friendly attraction that celebrates the truth of the Koran, and the power of the global jihadist movement to liberate Muslims from the oppression of the infidels and Jews. We also have roller coasters.”
The $300 million park, built on top of a reclaimed surface mining site in Muhlenberg County, was constructed with the help of unnamed international investors from Pakistan and Iran. Their feasibility study projects millions of tourists from the Middle East and South Asia will come to the park in its first three years of operation.
“This day would not be possible without the great help we received from the Beshear administration,” said Kenwal Hamza, CEO of Answers in Koran. “Muhlenberg County is now truly the closest thing to Paradise on Earth.”

In case this all sounds vaguely familiar, John Prine wrote a song about Muhlenberg County and how “Mr. Peabody’s coal trains have hauled it away” when it strip mined most of the county. Paradise was a town lying on the Green River during the rape of Muhlenberg, and in 1967 TVA finished the job of dismantling the corpse of Paradise when it built the Paradise Fossil Plant to complete the pollution. Now that you know the irony of Mr. Hamza’s statement, here’s the song if you’re interested.

Koran Kountry contains a dozen thrill rides, including the Dead Sea Water Safari and the “Paradise Sling Shot,” which flings riders 400-feet straight up into the air, “recreating the ascension of the prophet Muhammad into the heavens.” There are also carnival-type games, including one in which people throw rocks at a female mannequin wearing a bikini in order to win a prize. The park also contains several high-tech multimedia shows in the “Martyrs Exhibit Hall,” celebrating the history of such groups as Hamas and Hezbollah, and attacking “the Zionist and Christian crusaders who occupy our homeland.”
Despite the extreme fundamentalist message of the park, Hamza says they will not discriminate against non-Muslims when it comes to admission or hiring practices, a condition set by the state in order to receive the tax rebate.
“We welcome everyone to the park, even the infidels, whores and sodomites,” Hamza says. “We hope they receive our message, see the error in their ways, and come to accept our true interpretation of the Koran, which has been compromised and distorted by ‘moderate’ and ‘tolerant’ so-called Muslims in America.”

I can’t wait to experience the prophet Muhammad’s ascension into paradise, and I almost had an orgasm when I found out that there would also be a Martyrs Exhibit Hall. I can’t wait to throw rocks at that bikini-wearing mannequin slut. Thank Allah that they will allow whores and sodomites to attend, because my wife and I can’t wait to go.

“Gov. Beshear thought he could fool us with his support of the wholesome Ark Encounter, but now we know the truth,” said Frank Simon, president of the state’s AFA chapter and the Tea Party of Kentucky. “His real agenda is to bring Sharia law here to Kentucky and wage a ‘War on Christians.’”
The park’s grand opening even elicited a barbed tweet from former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin: “Look who Dumbocrats r palling around w/ in KY, the terrorists who want steal our freedom & liburty soes they can kill us. Only in Obama’s USA.”

The Tourism Cabinet has already been in talks with companies planning to build parks throughout Kentucky celebrating Buddhism, Hinduism, Mormonism and Scientology.
The Scientology park — Hubbard’s Space Extravaganza — is nearing final approval by the Tourism Cabinet and Kentucky State Fair Board. The theme park is one of several proposed uses for Louisville’s idle Kentucky Kingdom park, which until recently was slated to be reopened by the owners of Holiday World for a project dubbed Bluegrass Boardwalk.
Louisville native Tom Cruise is a major investor in the Scientology park, which will feature a state-of-the art 3D ride depicting the journey of alien intergalactic ruler Xenu’s trip to Earth 75 million years ago.
Earlier this year, the state inexplicably turned down the proposal of former Kentucky Kingdom owner Ed Hart to build a Judaism theme park (dubbed Kingdom of David), despite the fact that he had sufficient funds and previous success running an amusement park.

Okay. Do I think this is a fake story? I don’t see how it couldn’t be. In spite of this not being April 1, the story is just too perfect, and I can almost imagine Beshear doing something like this. The interesting thing, though, is that it’s getting a lot of blog play time.

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