Existence of Angels Can No Longer be Denied


Mark Kirk, a Republican U.S. Senator from Illinois suffered a stroke that paralyzed the extremities on his left side about a year ago. It was part of God’s plan to educate America about the facts of near-death experiences.

First, there is no white light and no tunnel, so if you decide to fake your own near-death recollections, remember to leave this out. (You can, however claim that you sat in Jesus’s lap, since this has been well-verified, Heaven is for Real, by Baptist minister Todd Burpo about his son, Colton.)

Since the veracity of U.S. Senators and Congressmen is beyond question, what Kirk said next is of utmost importance.

What Illinois’ junior U.S. senator experienced was three angels standing at the foot of his bed.

“You want to come with us?” Kirk was asked.

“No,” he told them. “I’ll hold off.”

As often happens, he may have been misquoted, and his last sentence should have been “No, fuck off.”, but here’s the article, and you’ll have to decide for yourself: Mark Kirk Sees Angels.

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3 responses to “Existence of Angels Can No Longer be Denied

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