I had written nearly a complete post on this subject when my computer crashed last fall, and I lost the work on all my posts in progress. There is little doubt that God was chastising me for being an atheist, and He fully expected His flock to fill the void. It didn’t come to pass, so here I go again on this important subject.
There is no doubt of God’s opinion about sitzpinkel – He despises it. Most Bible apologists simply don’t understand how God could have overlooked this offense to His holy creation in His 613 Laws, but the explanation is really pretty easy. He obviously originally had 614 Laws, and Moses just couldn’t understand what such a strange law was doing in the collection because in Biblical times, no one violated it, so he neglected to include it with the other 613. (On the other hand, the tenth commandment [Exodus 34:26 – Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother’s milk.] was necessary, because so many Biblical Jews were eating cheeseburgers. For those not familiar with God’s wishes, read Meat and Milk and Cheese and Whey.)
I can hear you now protesting that you don’t know what sitzpinkel is, when in fact, you know damned well but you won’t admit it even in your darkest nightmares. For those who are hopelessly clueless, watch the following exhortation.
In case you don’t believe the good reverend, I include signs from several European countries. Germany, Switzerland, and Austria are the most common.
And here are the parodies.
There is a good reason for this, however. Germans are proud of their shit, and their toilets are built with a shelf to catch it so it can be properly examined. If you pee standing up though, it splatters against that shelf. This is explained well in a blog by OCD. The disadvantage is that a healthy log requires 8 or 10 flushes, and still, you may have to manually roll it off the shelf into the water.
The French dispense with the toilet paper and use a bidet (often built into the toilet) to hose off their tushes. Compare the obsessive German behavior with the effete French practice of hosing their butts, and I think I’d settle for a wet butt.
But this isn’t about what clever inventions man has created. It’s about what God wants. Evidence makes it clear that Man was designed to piss against walls (or the Bible wouldn’t have said so) and this is the reason God put so many walls in Eden. This brings us to the question of why any man would do it sitting down.
This is the other half of the story. As any informed person already knows, the New Word Order has had control of the United Nations since its inception (as well as owning the Trilateral Commission). This, in turn is controlled by the Illuminati. They are experimenting on us with HAARP and by putting chemicals (including fluorides) into our water and by using chemtrails.
The Illuminati are immune to cancer, so they aren’t affected by their own experiments. As horrific as this sounds, it’s still only part of the conspiracy.
The Illuminati are trying to disarm freedom-loving folks around the world. Their method is cunningly devious. If they can emasculate the world and make us unwilling to use our God-given guns, we will be defenseless. They will first pass laws requiring everyone to piss sitting down. This will happen worldwide. Once we are immobilized, the blue-helmeted jackbooted U.N. troops will arrive at our doorsteps to confiscate our guns. The NRA has been warning us of this for years, but even they were not aware of the depths to which their opposition would stoop.
Even though the feminazis may have been plotting for sitzpinkel in their super-secret war rooms (the heroic self-sacrificing Men’s Rights Activists have been trying to warn us), the Illuminati is a males-only club, and they have the clout to enforce their diabolical schemes. Is there no hope? Are we defenseless against the gun-grabbing U.N. Forces?
Not at all! Have you ever walked into a men’s room only to find the urinals are “out of order”? This is just the beginning of the plot. March to the nearest toilet and put the seat down as they’re hoping you will and the hole in the middle makes good target practice while you proudly stand up for your rights. If the seat gets a little wet, that’s for the next person to clean up.
That’s still not what God commanded, though. Piss on the restroom wall. A truly manly man will be able to hit a building wall or fence from the sidewalk, which I’m sure is what God really intended. (Fire hydrants weren’t intended for human use, since they weren’t in the Garden of Eden.) The Illuminati can only wilt at such defiance, realizing that their dream of taking our guns will never come to pass.
Stand and be counted!