Category Archives: Perverted Theism

It Makes Me Proud to be an Atheist

Ken Ham, founder of Answers in Genesis and the Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY, has announced that his latest venture, Ark Encounter, is facing dire financial difficulties. With quick visit to the Creation Museum website, the first words you run into are “Prepare to Believe”. If you don’t mind swallowing a little bullshit, you too can believe.

The Ark Encounter was to be a replica of Noah’s ark, complete with dinosaurs, unicorns, and fire-breathing dragons, just as the Bible tells us. Actually, I had missed those 3 kinds of animals in Genesis, but that’s what makes Ken the expert on Genesis and the genius that he is.

Between now and Feb. 6, Ken has to sell $29,000,000 in unrated junk bonds, so if you have some spare change, won’t you send him a few million dollars? The state of Kentucky was so enthusiastic about this great idea, that during the recession, they plunked down several million dollars of the taxpayer’s own money for infrastructure and tax breaks.

Ken blames this mess on atheists (way to go, atheists) and the secular media. Specifically, “the trouble with Ark Encounter’s financing is due to the treachery of atheists and godless bloggers, who have sabotaged the giant dinosaur boat…”. Thanks for finally acknowledging me, Ken. But he goes further. He has been wrestling “against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” I do admit to being a ruler of the darkness of this age, but thanks for thinking that I am a spiritual host of wickedness and that I rule from heavenly places. I’ve tried to project that image for a long time now.

To read more, check out Ark Encounter Close to Failure.

Ray Comfort Admits God is Evolution

Of course this is as much a lie as Ray Comfort’s lies, omissions, distortions, and incomplete excerpted interviews in his latest movie Evolution vs. God: Shaking the Foundations of Faith, which garnered a 2.5 rating out of 10 in the International Movie Database (IMDB), placing among the worst movies of all time.

In case you missed it in your home schooling, Ray Comfort is a fundamentalist evangelist who founded The Way of the Master ministry along with child actor Kirk Cameron and radio host Todd Friel. He also started Living Waters Publications, should you need to come to Christ and learn the Truth about evolution.

With all this claim to fame, you’d think that Comfort might be satisfied, but he has done something really frightening. He showed us the atheist’s nightmare: a banana. It’s left me sleepless at nights and makes me panic every time I think about it.

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God, Sitzpinkel, and the U.N.

I had written nearly a complete post on this subject when my computer crashed last fall, and I lost the work on all my posts in progress. There is little doubt that God was chastising me for being an atheist, and He fully expected His flock to fill the void. It didn’t come to pass, so here I go again on this important subject.

There is no doubt of God’s opinion about sitzpinkel – He despises it. Most Bible apologists simply don’t understand how God could have overlooked this offense to His holy creation in His 613 Laws, but the explanation is really pretty easy. He obviously originally had 614 Laws, and Moses just couldn’t understand what such a strange law was doing in the collection because in Biblical times, no one violated it, so he neglected to include it with the other 613. (On the other hand, the tenth commandment [Exodus 34:26Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother’s milk.] was necessary, because so many Biblical Jews were eating cheeseburgers. For those not familiar with God’s wishes, read Meat and Milk and Cheese and Whey.)

I can hear you now protesting that you don’t know what sitzpinkel is, when in fact, you know damned well but you won’t admit it even in your darkest nightmares. For those who are hopelessly clueless, watch the following exhortation.

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That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind

I almost called this A Tale of Two Stories as there are two stories to celebrate. The first ended in 2001 with victory for Allah and his prophet, Muhammad (PBUH), while the second ended just this month with a complete victory for Capitalism, Objectivism, Ayn Rand, and probably Jesus Christ. I hope you’re as excited and as much a sucker for happy endings as I am.

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The Importance of Home Schooling

I have put off warning my readers for too long about government schools that are teaching our impressionable children socialism and communism. I know this for fact because I faithfully watch Fox News and listen to Fox Radio. We must put a stop to this left-leaning government agenda.

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Christ has Died – Long Live God!

As many of you have probably already heard, Christ the Messiah died yesterday, leaving the Bride, the True Mother, to run His earthly church. As God told us, He would be reborn of man in the East, and the world knew Him as Sun Myung Moon. Praise be to the True Father. He will be sorely missed by his followers in the Unification Church – the Moonies. Let us pray. Our heads are bowed; our eyes are closed. No, no, I’m thinking of the Jimmy Swaggart prayer. Lift up your eyes (but only after making a joyful noise) unto the Lord, all ye lands…

Now to get on with remembering the dearly departed. He will be best remembered for creating the only sinless families since the Great Fall, when all of creation was plunged into sin by Adam’s helpmate. For all have sinned? Not any more, since the Second Coming of Christ eradicated it permanently from the families of His followers, recreating them perfect in His image and making them as gods. Hallelujah!

We must also remember Him not only for His great prophesies in the Divine Principles, but we must celebrate His great achievements in those prophesies. He resolved all tension between religion and science, making them completely compatible. This no easy undertaking, and many of the Unwashed are still unaware of this monumental breakthrough – Ken Ham and PZ Myers, for instance. Some have tried to dismiss or belittle this magnificent result by claiming that Maharishi Mahesh Yogi did it first, but history will clarify any confusion over this matter and the True Master.

He has also solved all economic woes that used to beset unwary nations, and now all nations prosper in His light. All racial and political tensions have been placated and exist no more, as evidenced in the United States by the merging of Republicans and Democrats into a single happy, harmonious party – one that will continue at the taxpayers’ expense and the public isn’t invited. Gay has been prayed away, and the transgender people have been cured of their affliction. Praise be to God. Sexual harassment has evaporated completely and at last we understand the wisdom of one man/one woman, except for Newt Gingrich, who thinks one man/many women is okay if you do it serially or don’t let your current wife know what you’ve got on the side. Universal education and its environment have also been perfected, thanks in no small part to our Messiah.

His crowning glory is His overcoming all God-denying ideologies such as Communism. With North and South Korea making love overtures, they will soon merge with Kim Jong-un as supreme president-for-life to be followed by his dynasty and a population living in ecstasy ever after. (I left out the Once-upon-a-time, but you can fill in what I glossed over.)

He has, indeed united us all, and we are the children of our True Parents, and I suspect that when the Bride joins the True Father, that the True Children will take control of the Church to rule over a sinless world. Allahu Akbar.  Amen.

A Wimpy God

God is omnipresent except in schools. That’s because the Supreme Court required all schools to be lined with lead so God couldn’t peek in.  If your God is so easily defeated by a body like the Supreme Court, it’s time to start looking for another more dependable God.

It’s similar to God’s omnipotence; He can’t defeat iron chariots (Judges 4:13-16).  Now we know two of God’s weaknesses (other that His logic and His righteousness and justice).

Before you accuse me of blasphemy, the blasphemy is right there on the T-shirt.

Marriage: Union of One White Man and One White Woman

Fortunately, at least one Mississippi church is enforcing DOMA:  Mississippi Church Refuses to Marry Wrong Kind of Couple. We shouldn’t allow marriages of people who are the wrong kind. It’s a good thing that the pastor found out that two of his parishioners were of the ‘wrong sort’ before he went through with the wedding. Now the Liberal Press is getting all bent out of shape because the church is finally enforcing policies that were taken for granted when I was a kid. Here’s what they are saying.

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Koran Kountry

As you may remember, Kentucky’s Gov. Beshear’s donation of state money to Ken Ham’s Ark Encounter, which proposes to build a full-size replica of Noah’s Ark, complete with dinosaurs and unicorns as described in the bible. He has spent $7,000,000 on state-provided infrastructure for the ark, and will spend another $43.000.000 on rebates to Uncle Ken.

Hamza Tzortzis is one of my favorite people, whom I’ve mentioned elsewhere. He runs a university to teach students the Truth about science and how the Prophet has already provided them with most of what they need to know. He taught me all about embryology: embryology in the Qur’an. and he trained me in how to make my Da’wah presentation to atheists: how to make dawah to atheists.
However, he’s not the only Hamza to peddle influence. Kenwal Hamza makes better business deals with Gov. Beshear than Ken Ham: sacred playgrounds.

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Creationist Mathematics

For those unfamiliar with his name, Hugh Ross is a creationist with a legitimate PhD in astronomy from the University of Toronto and an undergraduate degree in physics from the University of B.C. (take that, Canada; he’s not another crazy from the American bible belt). I thought it was about time to present his ruminations for my readers (both of you) to be educated in The Light of The Truth. He presents some mathematics that I have to admit I was completely ignorant of.

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Another Clever Christian Idea

And how do we prevent little Johnny from turning queer? We learn that from goodly pastor Sean Harris at Godly Pastor Harris. And here’s his video.

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And the saga continues…

What Do You Do with Priests Who Rape Kids?

That’s easy. You castrate the boys who complain about priests who indulge themselves. From testimony conveniently not included in the Deetman Report, the Roman Catholic Church chopped off more than just their balls. There are several articles in the news, but this one should suffice: Dutch Roman Catholic Church castrated at least 10 boys.

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Silence of the Gods

I used to wonder why, if there is a God, does He allow terrible things to happen and then brag that His People did it. Why would a loving God order genocide and murder of homosexuals, adulterers, and non-virgin girls? That very question is answered in this episode of Mr. Deity at about the 1:10 minute mark in the video. God’s preferred means of communication is silence, so that we are dependent on His prophets (like Moses, Joshua, Paul, and Joseph Smith) to know what He wants and expects of us. Many people already knew about God’s method of direct communication with us, but they didn’t realize the consequences. If I had only known this years ago, I could feel the comfort of being a faithful member of His flock and never having to think for myself. If you should ever feel the urge to question obvious contradictions or injustices, remember: Questions are bad, and God is watching you without letting you know that you are under His scrutiny. Don’t think wrong thoughts.
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Where is Education in Kentucky Headed?

I think I finally see why creationism has to be True. Because a guy was shot for refusing to tear down the American flag, Creation inevitably follows. A letter from a school superintendent in the Kentucky school system (Ricky Line) was striving for the betterment of his students by teaching Creation Science in his schools and the corresponding response from Kentucky Commissioner of Education were published in The Evolving Scientist, written by “some guys and a girl”. The original article is at http://www.evolvingscientist.net/2011/12/someone-got-ahold-of-lines-full-letter.html.

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I Feel Insulted!

Supposedly riots have begun in Pakistan over a photo of Veena Malik on the cover of FHM magazine. It is an “insult to Islam” and it “brings shame to Pakistan“.

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Allah Wants You to Have an Eternal Boner

I used to ponder what made Islam so much better than Christianity. While Christians are wondering “What would Jesus do?”, Muslims are pursuing the eternal boner, if we can believe the wonderful stories of Allah (and I see no reason to doubt them). In heaven, we can look forward to endlessly singing God’s praises to him, but in Paradise, Allah has a better plan.

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Women (and Girls) Are Just Asking for It

Again, I’ve been on sabbatical far too long. I’m back now and wasting no time.  This insightful blog comes to us from The Official Website of Michael Crook. (I haven’t found his unofficial site yet, but it must have some real blockbusters.) Lest you think that this was just one of his off-moments where he was drunk out of his gourd or worse, he tells us “When this Mormon writer indites, the thinking has been done!” Converting his Java Script took some time, but I didn’t want to be accused of quoting him out of context.

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A Poem about the Christian Thing to Do

Just within the last couple of months, I was reading an article about the two best-known images world-wide that anyone would recognize. Immediately, I thought of The Great Wall of China and maybe the Eiffel Tower. After rethinking for a minute, I was thinking that one of the things could be a little off-beat, or the guy wouldn’t have been writing the article… so maybe the Great Pyramid of Cheops and Machu Pichu.

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They Eat da Poo Poo

What do Ugandans know that we don’t?  It used to be that you had to be a Doctor of Divinity to learn this, but at least in Uganda, this terrible truth is finally being shared with the public. This is something our congressmen need to know so that we can also take corrective action.

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