Category Archives: Whimsy

Beware the ‘H’ Word

I’m allowed to say it because I have one of those blue placards with a stick figure in a wheelchair hanging from my mirror that says “Handicapped”.  It took a string of events before I found out this word is nearly as taboo as the ‘N’ word.

My realization began years ago when I heard our local NPR host, Darel Snodgrass, interview a blind guy whom he introduced as “visually challenged”.  The guest replied “Actually, I’m blind.”  Snodgrass continued insisting the guest was visually challenged through most of the interview until the guy could take it no longer and blurted out “I’m not visually challenged.  No matter how hard I try or how often you challenge me, the simple fact is that I can’t see.  I’m blind.”  Darel was a bit dense and responded “My guest today is visually challenged.”  He continued using his pet phrase for the remainder of the interview.

Over the years I found out that a person can’t be blind, visually handicapped, or visually disabled, because that would imply that there could be something wrong with them.  It’s so impolite to remind a person of a fact that they’ve lived with for a significant part of their life.  It must make them feel so inferior.  That’s why my car wears that blue placard – to remind me that I may never become an Olympic runner.  I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from what people must think of me, not being an Olympic runner, the same as everyone else.

Since the time of that interview, calling a person “challenged” has become pejorative, a bit like saying they’re retarded.  Not being terribly socially adept, I sometimes refer to myself as a cripple, or even lame.  Like a Weeble, I wobble, but unlike a Weeble, I don’t dare fall down because I can’t get up again.  That means baths are out, and I can’t stand up from a seat that’s too low.  That includes most toilet seats without grab bars.

What I found out a few years ago is that some people are mortally offended by what I just described.   In PZ Myers’ Pharyngula blog he had made some comment about gun safety, which many of his readers interpreted as banning guns.  Since PZ was out of town and not following comments, a few of his followers felt it necessary to guard the comments for him.  Since everything had turned to the meaning of the second amendment by the time I got in, that’s where I picked up.  By that time comment after comment pointed out that you shouldn’t be able to own a gun unless you’re a member of a well-regulated militia (like The Covenant, the Sword, and the Arm of the Lord?).   I jumped in and pointed out that both circuit courts and SCOTUS had ruled on exactly that point and that the supreme court had specifically said that the well-regulated militia portion of the second amendment was to be treated as an example of those who were allowed to own guns.  I included several links to that ruling as well as several different cases where ownership is specifically allowed.

Several people continued to argue without bothering to read my links to the rulings in each of the cases.  The most tenacious was someone called Crip Dyke, who after running out of arguments, told me that as soon as the next supreme court justice was appointed, SCOTUS would immediately overrule all of those interpretations of the second amendment.  I replied that SCOTUS doesn’t get to file the cases that it hears, and that even if it does come up, it may be years or decades before those rulings are challenged.  Since that time, two new justices have been appointed and nothing has happened.

With that said, Crip Dyke was really itching for a pissing match, and she(?) dove into a nasty ad hominem argument.  I had referred to myself in some sort of deprecating way, and she suddenly realized many comments later how horribly offended she was.  This went on for several more comments, and I found out I was horrifying the whole world and that I was being extremely rude to all handicapped people (apparently including myself).

It’s taken a while, but I’ve finally realized that Crip Dyke was right about the whole world being offended.  Now that my awareness has been awakened, I thought it was appropriate to warn my readers about how rude they’re being if they use the ‘H’ word.  It needs to be eliminated from polo, golf, and horse racing too.  Although some people may not know the appropriate catch phrase, I’m sure all my readers already know that it’s “alternatively abled”.  I think that’s some kind of superpower, putting me in the same class as the X-Men.  From now on, I want you to know that I’m not a cripple, nor is my writing lame.  I am ambulatorily alternatively abled, and I’m going to lord that over everyone until the next more proper catch phrase comes along.  Thank you, Crip Dyke, for letting me know how superior I am.

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Earthviewer

If you enjoy seeing visual displays of geologic conditions, geography, and paleontology for the phanerozoic aeon (from the present back though Cambrian period) check out Earthviewer, created by HHMI (Howard Hughes Medical Institute).

It displays the globe for any time back to 540 MYA along with the atmospheric composition, climate, positions of modern cities traced through plate tectonics, geological events, biological events, mass extinctions, meteor impacts, fossils, and coastlines.  You can pull up charts for temperature, day length, luminosity, and biodiversity.  It also has several interesting in-depth presentations.  It also contains a tutorial for using the download.

WARNING:  It helps to understand evolution and have some inkling the earth may be older than 6000 years.  Be careful that your children don’t fall for the science indoctrination.  It doesn’t even mention God and His undeniable part in Creation.

What Sounds Like a Chain Saw but is Much More Dangerous?

Yoichiro Nambu

I didn’t find out until I got back home that Yoichiro Nambu died about 2 weeks ago.  Such things don’t make the news, because who in hell is Yoichiro Nambu?  On the pretty good off-chance that you’ve never heard of him, keep reading.

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Rambling #6

It’s been about two months since my last post.  Again, I’ve been away from my beloved desktop.  We just got back to town a little over a week ago, and I’ve been catching up on what’s happening in the rest of the world.

A lot has happened in the last two months.  I’ve been through two more rounds of chemo and my hematocrit is above 30 for the first time in a very long while (I have about 70% of my blood!) – no more transfusions, at least for a little while.  In the mean time my white cell count dropped again, and they put me on filgrastim until I was no longer in danger from neutropenia.  Anyway, things are going so well, that my hematologist (that’s a hæmatologist if you don’t speak American) wants to do another round of chemo.  Lucky me – two more weeks of being a pincushion.  One other positive thing; my platelet count is up and I don’t look like a mass of bruises looking for a fresh place to bruise.  I accused my wife of putting a pea under my mattress, and she told me not to worry and that I’m no princess.

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Mixed Metaphors

I don’t know what I’d do if I were a pastor.  If I had to wait until inspiration struck, I’d have a sermon ready about as often as I post to this blog.  Several things converged recently to lay this in my lap.

In a recent video, some guy was talking about attending Sunday school at a synagogue with the rabbi in attendance.  I immediately wondered when Liberal Judaism became so liberal.

If you were as educated as I was when I was a kid, you’d know that the Sabbath is Sunday and that the Jews were just another Christian sect.  Sigh.  Why couldn’t I have just remained in blissful ignorance so I could display it on a regular basis in my newspaper’s letters to the editor.

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The Wonders of Homeopathy

I’ve been catching up on old e-mail and blogs, and I just finished a post by fojap on quantum homeopathy and anti-vaxxers.  I realized that it’s been a while since I extolled the virtues of a whole field of medicine whose only impact is to replace effective therapy with the notion that you are finally doing something to fix what ails you.

There is so much cynicism about homeopathy, just because their medicines repeatedly dilute the active ingredients to non-existence.  They don’t take into account that the water remembers what was in it before that super-dilution process.  In addition, the water is energized by succussion, giving it the energy of “all the chemicals in a bomb”.  Wow!  If that doesn’t fix your gizzard, I don’t know what will.  It’s only proper to hear this from a practicing homeopath, but I need to warn you, it’s awfully sciency.

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H-Bomb Dropped on U.S.

This is the 57th anniversary of the date that a thermonuclear bomb “device” was dropped on the U.S.  Surprisingly, some people are unaware that it ever happened, just as some don’t know that one of our H-bombs has killed a Japanese citizen.

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New App for Women in New York or Other Big Cities

Did you ever get a cat call you couldn’t interpret? The app Hylp was designed just for such situations.

Rambling #5

Time to break my promise from my last post.  I haven’t done squat since then with the math book I’m writing.  On top of that, when I thought about what to include in my next post, I realized that the organization of the book doesn’t make much sense without knowing the idiosyncrasies of my education, so I’m still pondering what to write.

In the meantime, we took a break from our hectic schedule here and 4 weeks ago, we took a 2-week break.  We visited our oldest granddaughter for a day in Nahunta, GA and spent the day shopping.  That’s my least favorite pastime, but she enjoyed it, which is a bit strange since she normally likes being out in nature. Continue reading

Rambling #3

I’ve been back to my beloved PC for about a week after being gone for nearly a month.  We’ve been visiting family in the East and taking historical tours.

After visiting everyone in east Tennessee, we continued to the Colonial Williamsburg area in eastern Virginia to see my youngest brother.  If you cross the Coleman Bridge between Yorktown and Gloucester County, he’s likely to be the one in the control booth above the bridge, so be sure to wave as you go by.

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It Makes Me Proud to be an Atheist

Ken Ham, founder of Answers in Genesis and the Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY, has announced that his latest venture, Ark Encounter, is facing dire financial difficulties. With quick visit to the Creation Museum website, the first words you run into are “Prepare to Believe”. If you don’t mind swallowing a little bullshit, you too can believe.

The Ark Encounter was to be a replica of Noah’s ark, complete with dinosaurs, unicorns, and fire-breathing dragons, just as the Bible tells us. Actually, I had missed those 3 kinds of animals in Genesis, but that’s what makes Ken the expert on Genesis and the genius that he is.

Between now and Feb. 6, Ken has to sell $29,000,000 in unrated junk bonds, so if you have some spare change, won’t you send him a few million dollars? The state of Kentucky was so enthusiastic about this great idea, that during the recession, they plunked down several million dollars of the taxpayer’s own money for infrastructure and tax breaks.

Ken blames this mess on atheists (way to go, atheists) and the secular media. Specifically, “the trouble with Ark Encounter’s financing is due to the treachery of atheists and godless bloggers, who have sabotaged the giant dinosaur boat…”. Thanks for finally acknowledging me, Ken. But he goes further. He has been wrestling “against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” I do admit to being a ruler of the darkness of this age, but thanks for thinking that I am a spiritual host of wickedness and that I rule from heavenly places. I’ve tried to project that image for a long time now.

To read more, check out Ark Encounter Close to Failure.

The Worst Nightmare Ever

A few months ago, I wrote about the atheist’s nightmare, dreamed up by Ray Comfort of the Living Water Ministries. Realizing that threatening us with hell is futile since that’s just about as real as God, the even worse threat of going to heaven doesn’t hold water either. So he knew the only way to get us was to make us think of bananas. His twisted mind knew that we could never shake the image of a banana haunting our dreams.

Oh, there are things that frighten Christians (especially those in Oklahoma), like Allah or maybe Shiva. Even something as cuddly as Ganesha seems to upset them. Atheists have tried to make them tremble at the sight of Cthulhu or the Flying Spaghetti Monster with all His noodly appendages, but Christians just don’t realize the dire threats being posed.

Cthulhu

Touched by His Noodly Appendage

Let’s face it. Atheists have been going the wrong direction. To get to a Christian, you have to show him God in all His magnificence. Only their God can give them nightmares as bad as thinking about a banana.

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The Queen’s Mercy Pardon

You may already be aware Queen Elizabeth out of the goodness of her heart issued a “mercy pardon” for Alan Turing almost 60 years after he committed suicide when the British courts had him neutered for the heinous crime of being a grossly indecent homosexual. (Isn’t homosexuality always grossly indecent in Britain?) At least she didn’t wait as long as the Vatican did to pardon Galileo for the crime of being right while the pope thought he was being ridiculed. Had she issued the pardon within two years after ascending the throne the suicide could have been prevented, but gays didn’t need mercy in those good old days.

To put this into perspective, Turing led a pretty useless life. He not only broke Germany’s enigma code, shortening WW II considerably, he helped design the machines that automated the code-breaking process when no key was available. He was a mathematician, logician, and is best known for modeling a general-purpose computer which still bears his name. He formalized the concepts of algorithms, computability, Turing reduction, Turing completeness, and Turing degree as well as being the father of computer science and artificial intelligence. He worked in two different laboratories developing early variations on the first stored-program computers. He wrote a paper on what later became known as the Belousov–Zhabotinsky reactions, which were only discovered 8 years after his death.

There is little question that he lived a wasted life, and the queen, her empire, and the world could just as well done without him. Now the U.S. can start working on pardons for the Salem witches. If we get through that in the next century, we can retroactively save their lives. I can only thank God that the queen found the mercy in her heart, but only after the House of Lords had already passed a bill for statutory pardon on Oct. 30 of this year.

Greatest Invention of the 20th Century

Sorry about taking so long in getting back. I’ve been away from my PC more than I’ve been on it for the last few months, but I can’t let this inspiration slip away. Certainly the greatest discovery of the 20th century was the observation by Prosper-René Blondlot of N-rays in 1903. It’s somewhat like seeing or hearing God for your first time and the only people who believe you are other Christians. That was the fate of Blondlot – only other French physicists and spiritualists were able to detect N-rays, while physicits of other nationalities were either envious or had insufficient IQs and claimed to be unable to see the obvious.

Until very recently, I was convinced that the greatest invention of the 20th century (even greater than Kirlian photography in 1939) was the revelation in 1911 of Kilner Goggles. Since I am in agreement with such great minds as Paul Harvey (who listed Kilner Goggles as one of the 10 greatest inventions of the 20th century, along with television and penicilin), I was sure that I couldn’t be wrong on this one. The lenses in the goggles were Kilner Screens which allowed direct viewing of the human aura from which one can diagnose diseases without any other confusing tests being necessary. The Nobel prize committee must have been napping when he made this startling announcement.

Last month I was alerted by PZ Myers (Don’t waste your time with this survey) that the MRA (Men’s Rights Activists) have determined that there is only one objective measure for determining a woman’s worth. I would have guessed the acronym would be OOOM for only-one-objective-measure, but no, they had to confuse things. They call it SMV for Sexual Market Value, which immediately alerts you that it must be objective as well as measuring the only meaningful way of evaluating a woman’s worth. Those MRA folks sure are clever. Because we know that love should have nothing to do with sex, this method of calculating Sexual Market Value is how to find who you should impress when you exude your sexual charms.

For some reason PZ Myers doesn’t understand what a boon this is for manly men, and he dares criticize it repeatedly through several posts for being unscientific. I was devastated until I found what I now deem to be the greatest invention of the 20th century. It was created by none other than Max Factor, Sr., probably the world’s most renowned cosmetologist – probably better than Mary Kay (he’s male, after all). His invention was the Beauty Calibrator from 1934, and it has restored my faith in the scientific value of the SMV and the MRA movement. It’s something that every man should have and take with him when he goes bar-hopping. Every woman will want to try it on for the sake of science. If you want one (and there is only one), the last time it went on auction in 2009, it didn’t even make it to the $10,000 mark, so you may be in luck if you want to buy it.

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 I hope my readers agree with me about the value of this invention.

Ray Comfort Admits God is Evolution

Of course this is as much a lie as Ray Comfort’s lies, omissions, distortions, and incomplete excerpted interviews in his latest movie Evolution vs. God: Shaking the Foundations of Faith, which garnered a 2.5 rating out of 10 in the International Movie Database (IMDB), placing among the worst movies of all time.

In case you missed it in your home schooling, Ray Comfort is a fundamentalist evangelist who founded The Way of the Master ministry along with child actor Kirk Cameron and radio host Todd Friel. He also started Living Waters Publications, should you need to come to Christ and learn the Truth about evolution.

With all this claim to fame, you’d think that Comfort might be satisfied, but he has done something really frightening. He showed us the atheist’s nightmare: a banana. It’s left me sleepless at nights and makes me panic every time I think about it.

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God, Sitzpinkel, and the U.N.

I had written nearly a complete post on this subject when my computer crashed last fall, and I lost the work on all my posts in progress. There is little doubt that God was chastising me for being an atheist, and He fully expected His flock to fill the void. It didn’t come to pass, so here I go again on this important subject.

There is no doubt of God’s opinion about sitzpinkel – He despises it. Most Bible apologists simply don’t understand how God could have overlooked this offense to His holy creation in His 613 Laws, but the explanation is really pretty easy. He obviously originally had 614 Laws, and Moses just couldn’t understand what such a strange law was doing in the collection because in Biblical times, no one violated it, so he neglected to include it with the other 613. (On the other hand, the tenth commandment [Exodus 34:26Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother’s milk.] was necessary, because so many Biblical Jews were eating cheeseburgers. For those not familiar with God’s wishes, read Meat and Milk and Cheese and Whey.)

I can hear you now protesting that you don’t know what sitzpinkel is, when in fact, you know damned well but you won’t admit it even in your darkest nightmares. For those who are hopelessly clueless, watch the following exhortation.

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Raven about NSA and Privacy

I stole this from Digital Cuttlefish since he says it so much better than I could.

 Once upon a conversation, I received a revelation—
Just a tiny aberration in the phone line could be heard
It was near too faint for hearing, all too quickly disappearing,
And it surely had me fearing they had listened to my word
But of course, there is no reason to be snooping for my word
Such a notion is absurd!

With the conversation ending, and my paranoia pending—
Was some listening ear attending? Had a wiretap occurred?
My suspicions were implying what I’d rather be denying;
That the government was spying, and the lines had all been blurred
There had formerly been limits, but those lines have all been blurred—
Ah, but surely that’s absurd!

Could my phone call now be quoted? My associations noted?
Are there data banks devoted, at the mercy of some nerd?
All the data they can hack up, with more copies just for backup
In some cave where servers stack up with the info there interred?
They will long outlast my body, which will rot when I’m interred
This is far beyond absurd!

In a time that seems chaotic, is my worrying neurotic?
Maybe spying’s patriotic—it’s what 9/11 spurred.
Sure, the citizens are frightened, but security is heightened
With the leaky borders tightened and some terrorists deterred
Why, the means are surely justified if terror is deterred
Or they’re not… cos it’s absurd.

Progress in Oxford, Alabama

Maybe this isn’t quite as spectacular an example of progress as my article 2 posts ago, but Sam’s Club and Oxford Mayor Leon Smith have determined after exhaustive business research that a 1500 year old Indigenous American ceremonial mound is a ‘natural’ formation because it isn’t on the National Register of Historic Places, which they researched so well, they called it the “Natural Register”. It was the largest stone mound of its kind in Alabama. Smith knows for fact that it was only used for smoke signals (he is, after all, at least as accurate a historian as David Barton), and that the United South and Eastern Tribes are just blowing smoke signals up his ass to claim otherwise. Really, who’s the business expert here?

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That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind

I almost called this A Tale of Two Stories as there are two stories to celebrate. The first ended in 2001 with victory for Allah and his prophet, Muhammad (PBUH), while the second ended just this month with a complete victory for Capitalism, Objectivism, Ayn Rand, and probably Jesus Christ. I hope you’re as excited and as much a sucker for happy endings as I am.

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Gun Legislation – Part 1

I started this over a month ago for people who may not have given much thought to gun legislation. I expect it to be a 4-part series to give you a little more insight into the matter than most of the politicians who are cobbling together laws to protect us from guns (and those who would oppose any change). You don’t have to own a gun to be informed about guns. After listening to legislators and journalists, many of whom claim to own or use a gun, I’m really appalled. Especially cringe-worthy is the expert on gun violence who put together the new proposed gun legislation (which is essentially a rehash of the old Brady bill).

Warning: this article is rather long and is about controlling gun violence as opposed to controlling gun access – a difference that our lawmakers don’t seem to appreciate. (Gun access is a separate issue and requires more competence on the part of policy makers than violence prevention.) I hope it is useful if you’re interested in gun violence.

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Thank You God – Tim Minchin

Tim came out with a new song today. In it, he recognizes his mistaken lack of belief in a God when a fan describes for him a genuine miracle. Tim immediately had to swallow his pride, and he rejoiced in the Truth by writing a hymn of contagious joy praising God. Now I, too, have realized the error of my ways and I feel compelled to share Tim’s witnessing with you. Consider this my testimonial too.

Secret Feminazi Shrink Ray

I found out something recently that I’ve long suspected – feminazis have been focusing their shrink ray on Rush Limbaugh’s penis for the last 50 years. Being the virile guy he is, they’ve only managed to reduce it 10%. It took scientists in Italy to discover it, and they tried to divert attention from the feminazis, but Rush has set them straight. Watch the enclosed video where Rush corrects them.

The Cause of Limbaugh’s Penis Shrinkage

There is some question whether sluts are in on this conspiracy since Limbaugh revealed that people who use birth control pills are sluts. As he explained it, after every time they have sex, they pop another birth control pill, and since law students have sex so frequently, the cost of birth control pills wrecks their budgets. (By the way, Limbaugh sincerely apologized for calling Sandra Fluke a slut and immediately explained again why she was a slut.)

Rush Limbaugh and Sluts

And why should we be so wary of women who use birth control pills? They kill babies and cause them to become embedded in their wombs. Hundreds and thousands of tiny dead babies get embedded in the wombs of birth control users! I’m not sure that conception is even necessary, since it is a known fact that birth control pills turn eggs into tiny babies before killing them.

Embedding Tiny Dead Babies in your Womb

I hope that you feel much more informed now. This message has been brought to you by the Republican party. Remember to vote Republican.

About Eating Babies

Great news! I just found out that atheists are no longer required to eat babies. American Atheists’ David Silverman didn’t explain whether it’s now just optional or whether it’s completely banned, but here’s David Silverman’s interview with Lucifer (a.k.a. Lucy) and Mr. Deity.

The Importance of Home Schooling

I have put off warning my readers for too long about government schools that are teaching our impressionable children socialism and communism. I know this for fact because I faithfully watch Fox News and listen to Fox Radio. We must put a stop to this left-leaning government agenda.

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Existence of Angels Can No Longer be Denied

Mark Kirk, a Republican U.S. Senator from Illinois suffered a stroke that paralyzed the extremities on his left side about a year ago. It was part of God’s plan to educate America about the facts of near-death experiences.

First, there is no white light and no tunnel, so if you decide to fake your own near-death recollections, remember to leave this out. (You can, however claim that you sat in Jesus’s lap, since this has been well-verified, Heaven is for Real, by Baptist minister Todd Burpo about his son, Colton.)

Since the veracity of U.S. Senators and Congressmen is beyond question, what Kirk said next is of utmost importance.

What Illinois’ junior U.S. senator experienced was three angels standing at the foot of his bed.

“You want to come with us?” Kirk was asked.

“No,” he told them. “I’ll hold off.”

As often happens, he may have been misquoted, and his last sentence should have been “No, fuck off.”, but here’s the article, and you’ll have to decide for yourself: Mark Kirk Sees Angels.

Rambling on my Way Out

My return has taken much longer than I expected since I announced my sabbatical. Since then, one of my processors crashed, and I lost all of my blog backups and a whole series of drafts. It was a major loss, since I had been working on some posts that took several months to put together. One was an atheist hymnal that included well over 100 entries – everything from old favorites like Plastic Jesus to hard rock anthems. A couple were close to being ready to publish, including Sitzpinkel and God’s opinion, little-known facts about the Hamilton-Burr duel, and a piece about “clean” coal and “safe” nuclear power.

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Christ has Died – Long Live God!

As many of you have probably already heard, Christ the Messiah died yesterday, leaving the Bride, the True Mother, to run His earthly church. As God told us, He would be reborn of man in the East, and the world knew Him as Sun Myung Moon. Praise be to the True Father. He will be sorely missed by his followers in the Unification Church – the Moonies. Let us pray. Our heads are bowed; our eyes are closed. No, no, I’m thinking of the Jimmy Swaggart prayer. Lift up your eyes (but only after making a joyful noise) unto the Lord, all ye lands…

Now to get on with remembering the dearly departed. He will be best remembered for creating the only sinless families since the Great Fall, when all of creation was plunged into sin by Adam’s helpmate. For all have sinned? Not any more, since the Second Coming of Christ eradicated it permanently from the families of His followers, recreating them perfect in His image and making them as gods. Hallelujah!

We must also remember Him not only for His great prophesies in the Divine Principles, but we must celebrate His great achievements in those prophesies. He resolved all tension between religion and science, making them completely compatible. This no easy undertaking, and many of the Unwashed are still unaware of this monumental breakthrough – Ken Ham and PZ Myers, for instance. Some have tried to dismiss or belittle this magnificent result by claiming that Maharishi Mahesh Yogi did it first, but history will clarify any confusion over this matter and the True Master.

He has also solved all economic woes that used to beset unwary nations, and now all nations prosper in His light. All racial and political tensions have been placated and exist no more, as evidenced in the United States by the merging of Republicans and Democrats into a single happy, harmonious party – one that will continue at the taxpayers’ expense and the public isn’t invited. Gay has been prayed away, and the transgender people have been cured of their affliction. Praise be to God. Sexual harassment has evaporated completely and at last we understand the wisdom of one man/one woman, except for Newt Gingrich, who thinks one man/many women is okay if you do it serially or don’t let your current wife know what you’ve got on the side. Universal education and its environment have also been perfected, thanks in no small part to our Messiah.

His crowning glory is His overcoming all God-denying ideologies such as Communism. With North and South Korea making love overtures, they will soon merge with Kim Jong-un as supreme president-for-life to be followed by his dynasty and a population living in ecstasy ever after. (I left out the Once-upon-a-time, but you can fill in what I glossed over.)

He has, indeed united us all, and we are the children of our True Parents, and I suspect that when the Bride joins the True Father, that the True Children will take control of the Church to rule over a sinless world. Allahu Akbar.  Amen.

A Wimpy God

God is omnipresent except in schools. That’s because the Supreme Court required all schools to be lined with lead so God couldn’t peek in.  If your God is so easily defeated by a body like the Supreme Court, it’s time to start looking for another more dependable God.

It’s similar to God’s omnipotence; He can’t defeat iron chariots (Judges 4:13-16).  Now we know two of God’s weaknesses (other that His logic and His righteousness and justice).

Before you accuse me of blasphemy, the blasphemy is right there on the T-shirt.

Where are They Now?

There are several bloggers and YouTube producers who have made a big impact on me. Several just disappeared suddenly after building a large audience, and I’m curious if anyone knows what happened. The first was Stephanie, better known as LovingDoubt. She made YouTube videos that could suck the viewers in and make them want to know more about how she first became a Pentecostal fundamentalist and then turned to the dark side and was seduced by powers of atheism. (I’m not portraying what she said properly, so don’t let your opinions be influenced by me.) Like most others who achieved success in the on-line world, she understood the magic of how to tell a story, and she had an incredible sense of humor.

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Rare One-Eyed Snake with No Eyes

I couldn’t resist passing this on to my readers. The articles actually says it resembles a blind penis snake, which most of the rest of the world would call a caecilian. The article eventually gets around to telling you that, but it has some fun first.  It was actually planted here by the aliens from the movie Prometheus.

Brazilian Caecilian

And now if you’re curious, the article is at Rare snake-like amphibian resembling penis found in Brazil.

President Obama Will Cancel the 2012 Presidential Elections!

Living in Tennessee, we have a long way to go to catch up with Mississippi, Alabama, South Carolina, Kentucky, Oklahoma, and Texas, but we’re making giant strides. In breaking news, a Tennessee congressman has spilled the beans about Obama’s conspiracy to disrupt our presidential elections this November. It’s veracity is beyond reproach because it comes from a Tennessee elected official – maybe not Low Tax Looper (yes that’s his real name), but from Kelly Keisling, the birdbrain from Byrdstown.

We have it on the best authority that Obama will fake his own assassination, which will be blamed on white supremacists to enrage the black and Hispanic communities into rioting. We know this to be true, not only because of Keisling’s innate integrity, but also because it has been cross-checked with the ever-unimpeachable Anonymous Source, who is the most reliable informant who “is in the upper echelon of the Department of Homeland Security”, which is “effectively under the control of Barack Hussein Obama.”

I know that you must be at least as surprised as I am, and probably even more so to think that you heard it first from Tennessee. It instills a certain sense of pride in me. Oh yes; my source: Obama Assassination Attempt Conpiracy.

Marriage: Union of One White Man and One White Woman

Fortunately, at least one Mississippi church is enforcing DOMA:  Mississippi Church Refuses to Marry Wrong Kind of Couple. We shouldn’t allow marriages of people who are the wrong kind. It’s a good thing that the pastor found out that two of his parishioners were of the ‘wrong sort’ before he went through with the wedding. Now the Liberal Press is getting all bent out of shape because the church is finally enforcing policies that were taken for granted when I was a kid. Here’s what they are saying.

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Meat Glue

I apologize for not posting this a month ago when I sent a letter to my friends describing it.

As you probably gathered from the video, meat glue is either extracted from animal blood (part of the clotting factor) or from fermentation of Streptoverticillium mobaraense bacteria. Its possibilities were first realized by British chef Heston Blumenthal, the “molecular chef”, and the rest is history. Now, when someone tells you about some exotic meat that “tastes like a combination of chicken, pork, and beef”, you’ll be able to serve them a real chicken, pork, and beef meat dish — at least something other than a hot dog, which really is chicken, pork, and beef byproducts. The irony of the whole thing is that chef Blumenthal can no longer use his marvelous discovery since it’s illegal were he lives, but it’s now as commonplace in the American meat industry as pink slime used to be. The next time you get a premium cut of meat that’s full of fat and gristle, consider what you’re eating.

Bon appétit.

God Particle Found to be Atheist

The media insistence on calling the Higgs boson the “God Particle” came from Leon Lederman’s book The God Particle: If the Universe Is the Answer, What Is the Question?, and it has been annoying physicists ever since. One of those ironies of history is the Lederman wanted to call it the Goddamn Particle, but his publisher refused to allow the name, and the rest is history.

With CERN’s announcement this morning of the official discovery of “a particle consistent with the Higgs boson” on two different detectors with a confidence level of 4.9 sigma on the CMS detector and 5.0 sigma on the ATLAS detector, they have definitely found something. It is CP neutral, colorless (in a QCD sense), chargeless, and probably spin 0 as required for a Higgs boson. However there may also be other bosons with these characteristics, hence the caution.

It should be interesting to see if any “news” programs mention it tonight. On the only show in which I have heard anything so far, it was called the Higgs “bosun” which I’ll gladly accept if there’s anything of substance in the report.

On another front, I found an interesting quote:

Higgs is an atheist, and is displeased that the Higgs particle is nicknamed the “God particle”, because the term “might offend people who are religious”.

It actually combines two quotes, the first, from an unnamed physicist, and the second from Leon Lederman. I’ve been waiting for the “God Particle” to come out of the closet. It’s long overdue that the particle’s atheism should be announced. And now you know.

Koran Kountry

As you may remember, Kentucky’s Gov. Beshear’s donation of state money to Ken Ham’s Ark Encounter, which proposes to build a full-size replica of Noah’s Ark, complete with dinosaurs and unicorns as described in the bible. He has spent $7,000,000 on state-provided infrastructure for the ark, and will spend another $43.000.000 on rebates to Uncle Ken.

Hamza Tzortzis is one of my favorite people, whom I’ve mentioned elsewhere. He runs a university to teach students the Truth about science and how the Prophet has already provided them with most of what they need to know. He taught me all about embryology: embryology in the Qur’an. and he trained me in how to make my Da’wah presentation to atheists: how to make dawah to atheists.
However, he’s not the only Hamza to peddle influence. Kenwal Hamza makes better business deals with Gov. Beshear than Ken Ham: sacred playgrounds.

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Creationist Mathematics

For those unfamiliar with his name, Hugh Ross is a creationist with a legitimate PhD in astronomy from the University of Toronto and an undergraduate degree in physics from the University of B.C. (take that, Canada; he’s not another crazy from the American bible belt). I thought it was about time to present his ruminations for my readers (both of you) to be educated in The Light of The Truth. He presents some mathematics that I have to admit I was completely ignorant of.

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What Would Make You Feel all Tingly Inside?

Is it the thought of someone trying in vain to pry the gun from your cold dead fingers? Would it be having “In God We Trust” on top of the slide just behind the front sight to guarantee you can’t miss? Would it be having a Mary Kay or Barbie pink pistol? How about a plastic gun where even the rod in the recoil spring assembly is plastic? …And the Bill of Rights carefully lettered on the sides of your gun with the words “freedom” and “liberty” engraved on the back of the gun just above the butt? Are you just about to have an orgasm? These no longer need to be just fantasies!

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Another Clever Christian Idea

And how do we prevent little Johnny from turning queer? We learn that from goodly pastor Sean Harris at Godly Pastor Harris. And here’s his video.

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And the saga continues…

An Old Photo Making the Rounds

This photo from 2010 is making the rounds again. No one seems to know the source. It’s from Copper Pointe Church in Albuquerque, NM: Copper Pointe Church. They sponsor a group called Wake, which has its own Facebook page (Wake: Facebook) and a blog (Wake: Blog). It has satellite branches in Los Alamos and Portales. They describe themselves this way: “Wake is a progressive Christian college group that redefines how church is done”. Indeed, they are. Many sites that carry the photo don’t have a clue about its source and speculate that it is Photoshopped. Now that I’ve set the record straight, here’s the photo.

How Marduk Inspired Area 51 and the Assassination of Princess Di

As you probably remember, Marduk divided the Anunnaki into the 300 who are in heaven and the 300 on earth. It is the Anunnaki who are responsible for everything weird that has occurred since then, and if we don’t act soon, they will destroy the earth on 12/21/2012. It is urgent that you understand the history of this shadowy group.

As you can see, the pope is in on this, so only atheists can be trusted with this information. We can’t let the Catholics know we’re onto them.

Exploding Ichthyosaurs

If you follow Yahoo’s coverage of scientific news as I do, you’ve probably read that ichthyosaurs don’t really explode when they die (Mother Ichthyosaur Didn’t Explode) — yawn. Yahoo often carries shocking news like this, and they never give a clue where they got their story, what species they’re talking about, or display a pictures related to the story. Well, I’ve fixed that. The species is Xenotherus Icthycanthus, and here is a video showing several views of that mother that didn’t explode.

What Do You Do with Priests Who Rape Kids?

That’s easy. You castrate the boys who complain about priests who indulge themselves. From testimony conveniently not included in the Deetman Report, the Roman Catholic Church chopped off more than just their balls. There are several articles in the news, but this one should suffice: Dutch Roman Catholic Church castrated at least 10 boys.

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This Sign Says it All

Here’s an appropriate sign that I stole from Pharyngula.

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Silence of the Gods

I used to wonder why, if there is a God, does He allow terrible things to happen and then brag that His People did it. Why would a loving God order genocide and murder of homosexuals, adulterers, and non-virgin girls? That very question is answered in this episode of Mr. Deity at about the 1:10 minute mark in the video. God’s preferred means of communication is silence, so that we are dependent on His prophets (like Moses, Joshua, Paul, and Joseph Smith) to know what He wants and expects of us. Many people already knew about God’s method of direct communication with us, but they didn’t realize the consequences. If I had only known this years ago, I could feel the comfort of being a faithful member of His flock and never having to think for myself. If you should ever feel the urge to question obvious contradictions or injustices, remember: Questions are bad, and God is watching you without letting you know that you are under His scrutiny. Don’t think wrong thoughts.
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Nature’s Horrible Perversion

I stole this book from the Unreasonable Faith blog. Although I’ve known about the quaint habits of whiptail lizards since high school, it didn’t occur to me that something needs to be done about it until I read this

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Student Forced to Confront Perverts at Ocuppy Wall Street

This is the sad story of NYU student Sara Ackerman’s being forced to interview the criminals, drug addicts, mentally ill, and general scum of the earth at Occupy Wall Street: Horror story of woman forced to interview occupants of Occupy Wall Street. It’s not pretty, so you may want to stop here. This is the story about the story.

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It Must be True! It’s on the Internet.

In 1979, the unthinkable happened. The U.S. Patent Office issued a patent (#4,151,431) for a perpetual motion machine to inventor Howard Johnson.

Somehow, this is actually three patents. As this blurb comments, this had never happened before in the history of the patent office (at least not in the last 100 years).

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Prophecy of St. Nilus the Elder of Sinai

I became concerned when I read the End Time blog, and it quoted the prophecy of St. Nilus the Elder of Sinai, which is accurately dated at 430 A.D. in the fourth century.

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Where is Education in Kentucky Headed?

I think I finally see why creationism has to be True. Because a guy was shot for refusing to tear down the American flag, Creation inevitably follows. A letter from a school superintendent in the Kentucky school system (Ricky Line) was striving for the betterment of his students by teaching Creation Science in his schools and the corresponding response from Kentucky Commissioner of Education were published in The Evolving Scientist, written by “some guys and a girl”. The original article is at http://www.evolvingscientist.net/2011/12/someone-got-ahold-of-lines-full-letter.html.

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