President Obama Will Cancel the 2012 Presidential Elections!

Living in Tennessee, we have a long way to go to catch up with Mississippi, Alabama, South Carolina, Kentucky, Oklahoma, and Texas, but we’re making giant strides. In breaking news, a Tennessee congressman has spilled the beans about Obama’s conspiracy to disrupt our presidential elections this November. It’s veracity is beyond reproach because it comes from a Tennessee elected official – maybe not Low Tax Looper (yes that’s his real name), but from Kelly Keisling, the birdbrain from Byrdstown.

We have it on the best authority that Obama will fake his own assassination, which will be blamed on white supremacists to enrage the black and Hispanic communities into rioting. We know this to be true, not only because of Keisling’s innate integrity, but also because it has been cross-checked with the ever-unimpeachable Anonymous Source, who is the most reliable informant who “is in the upper echelon of the Department of Homeland Security”, which is “effectively under the control of Barack Hussein Obama.”

I know that you must be at least as surprised as I am, and probably even more so to think that you heard it first from Tennessee. It instills a certain sense of pride in me. Oh yes; my source: Obama Assassination Attempt Conpiracy.


Marriage: Union of One White Man and One White Woman

Fortunately, at least one Mississippi church is enforcing DOMA:  Mississippi Church Refuses to Marry Wrong Kind of Couple. We shouldn’t allow marriages of people who are the wrong kind. It’s a good thing that the pastor found out that two of his parishioners were of the ‘wrong sort’ before he went through with the wedding. Now the Liberal Press is getting all bent out of shape because the church is finally enforcing policies that were taken for granted when I was a kid. Here’s what they are saying.

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Faeries Are Real!

Most of my readers probably already know about the Cottingley Faeries photographed by two young English girls in 1917. Five famous photographs proved the existence of faeries. Arthur Conan Doyle was convinced they were real (as were séances), because they were scientific evidence of psychic phenomena, and besides the girls were too young to have been able to draw that well. When it was pointed out to Doyle that one photograph showed the obvious head of a straight pin holding one of the faerie cut-outs in place, Doyle realized immediately that it verified the authenticity of the photos because, as he pointed out, it was actually the faerie’s navel.


No doubt, illustrations like that can’t be faked. However, there was an article in the 2007 New York Times that I missed until recently about the discovery of mummified faeries.

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Meat Glue

I apologize for not posting this a month ago when I sent a letter to my friends describing it.

As you probably gathered from the video, meat glue is either extracted from animal blood (part of the clotting factor) or from fermentation of Streptoverticillium mobaraense bacteria. Its possibilities were first realized by British chef Heston Blumenthal, the “molecular chef”, and the rest is history. Now, when someone tells you about some exotic meat that “tastes like a combination of chicken, pork, and beef”, you’ll be able to serve them a real chicken, pork, and beef meat dish — at least something other than a hot dog, which really is chicken, pork, and beef byproducts. The irony of the whole thing is that chef Blumenthal can no longer use his marvelous discovery since it’s illegal were he lives, but it’s now as commonplace in the American meat industry as pink slime used to be. The next time you get a premium cut of meat that’s full of fat and gristle, consider what you’re eating.

Bon appétit.

When You Can’t Find a Unicorn

As everyone knows, just as with God (Mark 16:18), unicorn horns will render poisons harmless. But what do you do if you can’t find a unicorn or God is busy? Grab an opossum (but watch out for the teeth). If you’ve ever met an opossum in the wild, you already know they can’t be killed without resorting to extraordinary means.

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God Particle Found to be Atheist

The media insistence on calling the Higgs boson the “God Particle” came from Leon Lederman’s book The God Particle: If the Universe Is the Answer, What Is the Question?, and it has been annoying physicists ever since. One of those ironies of history is the Lederman wanted to call it the Goddamn Particle, but his publisher refused to allow the name, and the rest is history.

With CERN’s announcement this morning of the official discovery of “a particle consistent with the Higgs boson” on two different detectors with a confidence level of 4.9 sigma on the CMS detector and 5.0 sigma on the ATLAS detector, they have definitely found something. It is CP neutral, colorless (in a QCD sense), chargeless, and probably spin 0 as required for a Higgs boson. However there may also be other bosons with these characteristics, hence the caution.

It should be interesting to see if any “news” programs mention it tonight. On the only show in which I have heard anything so far, it was called the Higgs “bosun” which I’ll gladly accept if there’s anything of substance in the report.

On another front, I found an interesting quote:

Higgs is an atheist, and is displeased that the Higgs particle is nicknamed the “God particle”, because the term “might offend people who are religious”.

It actually combines two quotes, the first, from an unnamed physicist, and the second from Leon Lederman. I’ve been waiting for the “God Particle” to come out of the closet. It’s long overdue that the particle’s atheism should be announced. And now you know.

Koran Kountry

As you may remember, Kentucky’s Gov. Beshear’s donation of state money to Ken Ham’s Ark Encounter, which proposes to build a full-size replica of Noah’s Ark, complete with dinosaurs and unicorns as described in the bible. He has spent $7,000,000 on state-provided infrastructure for the ark, and will spend another $43.000.000 on rebates to Uncle Ken.

Hamza Tzortzis is one of my favorite people, whom I’ve mentioned elsewhere. He runs a university to teach students the Truth about science and how the Prophet has already provided them with most of what they need to know. He taught me all about embryology: embryology in the Qur’an. and he trained me in how to make my Da’wah presentation to atheists: how to make dawah to atheists.
However, he’s not the only Hamza to peddle influence. Kenwal Hamza makes better business deals with Gov. Beshear than Ken Ham: sacred playgrounds.

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Creationist Mathematics

For those unfamiliar with his name, Hugh Ross is a creationist with a legitimate PhD in astronomy from the University of Toronto and an undergraduate degree in physics from the University of B.C. (take that, Canada; he’s not another crazy from the American bible belt). I thought it was about time to present his ruminations for my readers (both of you) to be educated in The Light of The Truth. He presents some mathematics that I have to admit I was completely ignorant of.

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What Would Make You Feel all Tingly Inside?

Is it the thought of someone trying in vain to pry the gun from your cold dead fingers? Would it be having “In God We Trust” on top of the slide just behind the front sight to guarantee you can’t miss? Would it be having a Mary Kay or Barbie pink pistol? How about a plastic gun where even the rod in the recoil spring assembly is plastic? …And the Bill of Rights carefully lettered on the sides of your gun with the words “freedom” and “liberty” engraved on the back of the gun just above the butt? Are you just about to have an orgasm? These no longer need to be just fantasies!

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Another Clever Christian Idea

And how do we prevent little Johnny from turning queer? We learn that from goodly pastor Sean Harris at Godly Pastor Harris. And here’s his video.


And the saga continues…

An Old Photo Making the Rounds

This photo from 2010 is making the rounds again. No one seems to know the source. It’s from Copper Pointe Church in Albuquerque, NM: Copper Pointe Church. They sponsor a group called Wake, which has its own Facebook page (Wake: Facebook) and a blog (Wake: Blog). It has satellite branches in Los Alamos and Portales. They describe themselves this way: “Wake is a progressive Christian college group that redefines how church is done”. Indeed, they are. Many sites that carry the photo don’t have a clue about its source and speculate that it is Photoshopped. Now that I’ve set the record straight, here’s the photo.

How Marduk Inspired Area 51 and the Assassination of Princess Di

As you probably remember, Marduk divided the Anunnaki into the 300 who are in heaven and the 300 on earth. It is the Anunnaki who are responsible for everything weird that has occurred since then, and if we don’t act soon, they will destroy the earth on 12/21/2012. It is urgent that you understand the history of this shadowy group.

As you can see, the pope is in on this, so only atheists can be trusted with this information. We can’t let the Catholics know we’re onto them.

Exploding Ichthyosaurs

If you follow Yahoo’s coverage of scientific news as I do, you’ve probably read that ichthyosaurs don’t really explode when they die (Mother Ichthyosaur Didn’t Explode) — yawn. Yahoo often carries shocking news like this, and they never give a clue where they got their story, what species they’re talking about, or display a pictures related to the story. Well, I’ve fixed that. The species is Xenotherus Icthycanthus, and here is a video showing several views of that mother that didn’t explode.

What Do You Do with Priests Who Rape Kids?

That’s easy. You castrate the boys who complain about priests who indulge themselves. From testimony conveniently not included in the Deetman Report, the Roman Catholic Church chopped off more than just their balls. There are several articles in the news, but this one should suffice: Dutch Roman Catholic Church castrated at least 10 boys.

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This Sign Says it All

Here’s an appropriate sign that I stole from Pharyngula.



Silence of the Gods

I used to wonder why, if there is a God, does He allow terrible things to happen and then brag that His People did it. Why would a loving God order genocide and murder of homosexuals, adulterers, and non-virgin girls? That very question is answered in this episode of Mr. Deity at about the 1:10 minute mark in the video. God’s preferred means of communication is silence, so that we are dependent on His prophets (like Moses, Joshua, Paul, and Joseph Smith) to know what He wants and expects of us. Many people already knew about God’s method of direct communication with us, but they didn’t realize the consequences. If I had only known this years ago, I could feel the comfort of being a faithful member of His flock and never having to think for myself. If you should ever feel the urge to question obvious contradictions or injustices, remember: Questions are bad, and God is watching you without letting you know that you are under His scrutiny. Don’t think wrong thoughts.
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Nature’s Horrible Perversion

I stole this book from the Unreasonable Faith blog. Although I’ve known about the quaint habits of whiptail lizards since high school, it didn’t occur to me that something needs to be done about it until I read this

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Student Forced to Confront Perverts at Ocuppy Wall Street

This is the sad story of NYU student Sara Ackerman’s being forced to interview the criminals, drug addicts, mentally ill, and general scum of the earth at Occupy Wall Street: Horror story of woman forced to interview occupants of Occupy Wall Street. It’s not pretty, so you may want to stop here. This is the story about the story.

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It Must be True! It’s on the Internet.

In 1979, the unthinkable happened. The U.S. Patent Office issued a patent (#4,151,431) for a perpetual motion machine to inventor Howard Johnson.

Somehow, this is actually three patents. As this blurb comments, this had never happened before in the history of the patent office (at least not in the last 100 years).

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Prophecy of St. Nilus the Elder of Sinai

I became concerned when I read the End Time blog, and it quoted the prophecy of St. Nilus the Elder of Sinai, which is accurately dated at 430 A.D. in the fourth century.

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Where is Education in Kentucky Headed?

I think I finally see why creationism has to be True. Because a guy was shot for refusing to tear down the American flag, Creation inevitably follows. A letter from a school superintendent in the Kentucky school system (Ricky Line) was striving for the betterment of his students by teaching Creation Science in his schools and the corresponding response from Kentucky Commissioner of Education were published in The Evolving Scientist, written by “some guys and a girl”. The original article is at

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Gee. Let’s Kill Some More Kids.

Most of us are familiar with the anti-vaxxers, especially Jenny McCarthy and her tag-along ex-boyfriend, Jim Carrey. The movement to infect each other’s kids and to share disease-carrying lollipops is also well-known.

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Improbability of Similar Cambrian Fossils in China and Canada

Occasionally I put in my 2 cents worth on other blogs.  After getting tired of an unrepentant creationist who copies and pastes Walt Brown’s blatant lies, I answered 3 paragraphs of a much longer screed.  I see now why anyone with any sense avoids debating these idiots.  It takes far longer to answer their assertions than it does for them to come up with them, and by then, they’ve moved on.  I’ll start by quoting the offending material.

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I Feel Insulted!

Supposedly riots have begun in Pakistan over a photo of Veena Malik on the cover of FHM magazine. It is an “insult to Islam” and it “brings shame to Pakistan“.


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Taking Comfort in Psalms 23

This is one of those things that’s almost is part of being an American. My grandmother found Psalms 23 very comforting and was sure that I would as well. You know – “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures…”.

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Allah Wants You to Have an Eternal Boner

I used to ponder what made Islam so much better than Christianity. While Christians are wondering “What would Jesus do?”, Muslims are pursuing the eternal boner, if we can believe the wonderful stories of Allah (and I see no reason to doubt them). In heaven, we can look forward to endlessly singing God’s praises to him, but in Paradise, Allah has a better plan.

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Who’s Psychopathic?

My good friend, the Lutheran ex-pastor has put me on the spot again. He’s positing a dichotomy between the 99% and the 1%, when in fact the only difference is that the 99% incite police to violence and use of pepper spray by doing nothing. How can the police withstand that kind of provocation? That’s not the problem though; he exacerbates this artificial division by asking if the 1% is mostly psychopathic as suggested by the Toronto Star: Weeding out corporate psychopaths, which displays the following unflattering photo of the 1%.I felt it necessary to send him this response.

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Women (and Girls) Are Just Asking for It

Again, I’ve been on sabbatical far too long. I’m back now and wasting no time.  This insightful blog comes to us from The Official Website of Michael Crook. (I haven’t found his unofficial site yet, but it must have some real blockbusters.) Lest you think that this was just one of his off-moments where he was drunk out of his gourd or worse, he tells us “When this Mormon writer indites, the thinking has been done!” Converting his Java Script took some time, but I didn’t want to be accused of quoting him out of context.

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why we believe in god(s) — A Concise Guide to the Science of Faith: A Book Review

I’ve been out of town for an extended period and am just getting back to writing for this blog.  I’ll mark my return with a review of a book that I read while I was away.

Before reading J. Anderson Thomson’s book, I had little reason to think that religion, in spite of being widespread, was anything more than a learned behavior that had little to do with evolution. After all, religion doesn’t appear to provide much to aid in natural selection that wouldn’t be better explained by other behaviors. The strength in Thomson’s arguments are that they view religion as a byproduct of evolution.

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Who Says Cats in Heat Aren’t Musical?

I’ve been catching up on my e-mail and blogs since I’ve been gone, and I noticed that PZ Myers said some rather unflattering things about the way cats sing when in heat (Cats in Heat). I had to take exception to his characterization of cats. At least they don’t hump your leg. I found some good recordings of cats in heat – first in Korean, then in German. The language of love knows no boundaries.

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A Poem about the Christian Thing to Do

Just within the last couple of months, I was reading an article about the two best-known images world-wide that anyone would recognize. Immediately, I thought of The Great Wall of China and maybe the Eiffel Tower. After rethinking for a minute, I was thinking that one of the things could be a little off-beat, or the guy wouldn’t have been writing the article… so maybe the Great Pyramid of Cheops and Machu Pichu.

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Yet Another Creationist Makes His Mark

Recently, another creationist responded to an ex-Lutheran pastor, saying that the human eye was an example of God’s perfection in His creation of Adam and Eve, and then having to retract it after the pastor pointed out how poorly God did with His infinite perfection. (Why are creationists so hung up on the human eye as a proof of God’s creation?) Of course this creationist also insists that humans did not evolve from earlier apes and that they cannot evolve further into other creatures, to which I will respond. (It was retrieved from an earlier lampoon written – and ignored – by this same creationist.) I will begin with the pastor’s response to the creationist’s retraction.

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Something Unnatural is Oozing out of the Ground and into our Water

Please forgive me for dredging up something that happened four years ago, but I noticed today that it is still happening, this time in Tennessee! If nothing is done soon, it may continue. Although it was discovered in northern California, it may eventually be found everywhere. We must stop it before it spreads!

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How Complexity Shows that Paley’s Watchmaker Proves Evolution

A comment about complexity in another post (Complexity, last paragraph) made me think of two of the most overused arguments in the creationist playbook — the complexity of the human eye is impossible to explain through evolution and “If you were to find a watch on a path, would you conclude that the watch ‘just happened’ or that it was designed?”.

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Evolution’s Faulty Premises

For my regular readers (if there are any), this is a parody of creationist arguments I’ve read recently. Apparently all of of them I’ve talked to are ignorant about the significance of human chromosome 2, so I’ve provided an argument for them to use against me. Have fun with it.

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Returning to my Roots

A week ago, I visited Elizabethton and Jonesborough, TN. If you’ve never been there, Jonesborough is the oldest town (founded in 1779) in Tennessee. Chester Inn (built in 1797) is popular for people coming into town by stagecoach but is closed to anyone else. The Salt House (which sold salt for $15 a sack in 1864) is still there and is supposed to open as a restaurant in 2008. Someone missed their cue on the date. It’s easy to lose a whole day just on Main Street.

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Is Math a Fit Subject for Public Education?

Personally, I think math education should be banned. It could force students to start thinking, and then where would our nation be? I find that on this point, I am in the company some of America’s most profound philosophers.

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The Homosexual Conspiracy and Black Atheism

It’s happened again. The monolithic atheist movement has been shattered by European customs. The Black Atheists of Atlanta have a show where they keep the public informed on black atheist issues. I’ve excerpted a little bit of their profoundly well contemplated ideas that appear to be refined from the upper echelons of Redneck Central.

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Letting Dan Brown Speak

A couple years ago, I wrote a review of Dan Brown’s latest novel, The Lost Symbol. In it, I had an idea that I hadn’t seen before: Let the author speak for himself so I could have a review in his own words. Although the majority of the people reading it liked the review, there was one sourpuss. Without further adieu, I copy it verbatim.

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I Have Been Giving Islam a Short Shrift

Recently, I read Man in the Red Underpants, which is specifically aimed at converting atheists to Islam, although the arguments are so persuasive that it should have its effect on any reasoning person.

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Sad News About a Classic Movie

The holding company for the comedy Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed starring Ben Stein imitating a crocoduck has gone bankrupt, and they’re selling all rights to the movie (with the exception of a few contractual obligations) in an online auction. The movie will be remembered for the classy treatment of the people interviewed in the film (PZ Meyers Expelled).

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Left Behind?

Now that I’m back to my PC after a 2-week absence, I am disheartened to find that so few, including Harold Camping, were raptured away. I realized that I had to have been, because I didn’t experience any of the earthquakes. Heaven isn’t quite what I expected, as it is an exact replica of the way things were on earth. There are no pearly gates or streets of gold, but I just can’t get rid of these 72 virgins who follow me everywhere.

I’m Back After a 2+ Week Exile from my PC

It’s been far too long since my last post, but I’m back now.  I hope to crank out some new material in the next few days.

They Eat da Poo Poo

What do Ugandans know that we don’t?  It used to be that you had to be a Doctor of Divinity to learn this, but at least in Uganda, this terrible truth is finally being shared with the public. This is something our congressmen need to know so that we can also take corrective action.

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A Close Brush with Finding a Reasonable Theist

My second most cherished stereotype is that there are no reasonable theists – anywhere – in the whole world. (First on my most cherished list concerns old men who wear dress hats.) I would wake up from nightmares panting and sweating, having dreamed I had accidentally found a reasonable theist after doing everything (closing my eyes and plugging my ears) to avoid them.

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The Million Dollar Question

[WARNING: Sensitive individuals may find content to be blasphemous.] I hate promoting hideous blogs, but I ran across this fundevangelistic site ( and thought I could use an easy million dollars. To save you the embarrassment of going there, I’ll copy it here.


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A Reminiscence for Afghanistan

In nearly ten years in Afghanistan, we’ve done admirably in continuing Russia’s legacy of reducing the country to a rubble heap, and at the same time, we’ve successfully managed to install a secular government. Now that Bin Laden is dead, Afghanistan seems to have served its purpose, and some of the same enthusiastic boosters who wanted us in there, now want us out, leaving the country to fend for itself.

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Fresh Today, Stale Tomorrow

Well, it’s official now, folks. It was first reported today on CNN by Wolf Blitzer and repeated on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Osama Bin Laden currently resides in Hell. 61% of Americans say so, meaning the point can’t be argued.

The reports aren’t in yet from Al Jazeera, but it’s speculated by many that he’s in the company of 72 virgins.

The Planned Parenthood Abortion Telemarketing Scheme

Coral Ridge Ministries (founded by James Kennedy) wants us to know the TRUTH about Planned Parenthood, and that Jon Kyl really wasn’t lying about 90% of their business being abortions.  Planned Parenthood telemarketers are so convincing that they’re able to sell abortions to anyone – even to the most resistant evangelical fundamentalists.  The telemarketers get $25 per abortion and they become millionaires; all they have to do is sell 40,000 abortions a year (about 175 sales per normal working day) – apparently an easy task because they create so much demand.

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Simplifying Scientific Research

Saori Haigo suggests in her new blog Science For Everyone!, that experiments aimed at answering crucial questions could go a long way toward an evidence-based education. She suggests 3 experiments that would demonstrate with a high degree of confidence that a particular gene is expressed in the spinal chord’s neural cells (3 Basic Types of Experiments). Perhaps this is true, but there is a much simpler, less time-consuming way.

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