Troubling Questions

There have been 10 questions that have puzzled me through the years. They are so profound that I hope you don’t feel as lost as I do. Because I’m a proud Southerner, I’m probably more inquisitive than others. In fact, I’ll bet that these questions have never even occurred to people living in other parts of our country.

1. For anybody old enough, you may remember that for several years running, most news programs covered what was happening with the white folks in Zimbabwe, Rhodesia. Zimbabwe must be a pretty big city, but is it the capital of Rhodesia?
2. How is it that congressmen and presidents know so much more about biology, medicine, history, economics, and foreign relations than people who’ve spent their lives studying those things? They seem to know all about what defines boys and girls and how understanding “legitimate rape” helps distinguish real rape from pretend rape. They know what does and doesn’t belong in our history books and classes. Now we know that the Laffer Curve means that we can cut taxes while increasing spending. You make up for sales losses by increasing volume. You bring peace and harmony by agreeing with former opponents like Russia and North Korea and giving them whatever they want. You can break treaties that are holding things in a precarious balance because that will force them to give you a better deal. (We learned that with the Indians.) And why are Republicans so much more knowledgeable that Democrats? Is it inherited?
3. Why can paranormal events only be seen in green light?
4. I’ve noticed that TV shows have an audience that has been primed to laugh or applaud on cue. Otherwise, I wouldn’t know what to do when something happened that was supposed be funny or provoke deep reflection. Why am I so abnormal?
5. Why are so many people ignorant of the fact that without Christ’s political guidance, we’ll rapidly slip into moral decay?
6. Why don’t we discourage voting by other races or ethnic groups? You know that they’ll outpopulate us white citizens and take over. That’s probably why Africa became predominantly black. They may even pass laws that don’t prohibit pollution of our proud racial heritage. Look at what happened in Zambia, South Africa, and Zimbabwe when their governments didn’t control voting well enough. When will all those liberals and socialists wake up?
7. Why don’t other channels provide the kind of educational content found on the History, Discovery, and TLC channels? Without these three, we might wind up totally ignorant of Bigfoot, pawn brokers, fat people, little people, beautiful people like Honey Boo Boo, ancient aliens, truck drivers, paranormal happenings, people trying to survive in the wilderness totally alone and stranded while being filmed by a camera crew and their support staff, incestuous religious families, people who are so afraid to be naked that they parade around nude for whole shows, ranches where things are so weird that it takes the most advanced technology to catch nothing happening, and so much more. When will Sesame Street take a clue about what’s educationally important?
8. When a woman named Karen interrupted some foreigners who were babbling in some language she didn’t understand, she admonished them for being so rude, because she was sure they were saying things about her. She asked them a simple question. Why wouldn’t they speak the language of America’s original inhabitants? Damned good question. Why weren’t they speaking Acoma, Calusa, Salish, Pai, Natchez, or Maidu? Why was Karen using English? Balch’s pledge (which was used well into the 20^th century) summed it all up so well. “We give our heads and hearts to God and our country; one country, one language, one flag!” But which language is that?
9. I learn a lot about foreign countries from televangelists, businesses giving away promotional prizes, and presidents. One of my earliest experiences was when a local store owner gave away a free trip to Hawhya. I think this was the same foreign country where our illegal president for two terms was born to unAmerican parents. Then there was Peruvia, where Jimmy Swaggart saved the souls of tens of thousands of Catholics who would have burned in Hell. That was in Lighma, Peruvia. One of the more fascinating countries is Africa, where they are well known for their shit holes. Thank for pointing that out Mr. Trump. With all these exotic countries to visit, why do travel companies look at you like you’ve got a second head if that’s the country you want to visit?
10. Why can’t white patriots celebrate their proud heritage of enforcing servitude and owning people who weren’t white? I heard from a president that “some of them are good people”. Why do people get upset at the assholes who fly the Southern Heritage flag? (You know – the one with stars and bars that was so popular in northern Virginia.)